Wherein Lotus Mind-Games Vettel and Red Bull Just for the Fun of it

Actual photo of the REAL Eric Boullier.

Thanks to F1Pulse for the laughs!

Lotus is hopeful that it can retain the services of Kimi Raikkonen beyond the current contract dispelling the possibility of the Finn switching to Red Bull next year, teasing that the partnership of the 2007 world champion with Sebastian Vettel will not work.

Mark Webber’s future in Formula 1, after the team orders fiasco in Malaysia, is uncertain with indications that Red Bull has marked Raikkonen as a potential replacement at Red Bull should the Australian driver leave the team.

“Those are the usual games,” Lotus team principal Eric Boullier told the Bild. “It’s not just Red Bull but other top teams have an interest as well.

“I also have interest in (Fernando) Alonso, (Lewis) Hamilton and Vettel,” the Frenchman quipped. “But Vettel only if he listens to my team orders!”

Talks with Raikkonen for a contract extension at Lotus have already begun and the 33-year-old “sounded very happy” with the prospects of staying with the team, particularly as he has a car that can challenge for the title.

“I’m happy when we are more of a nuisance for Vettel,” Boullier said.

The team’s financial situation is not an issue either.

“One thing is clear: Kimi is not back in Formula 1 because he needs money,” Boullier told the official F1 website suggesting that the freedom he gets at the Enstone-based outfit could stand in the Finn’s favour.

“I do not know if other teams would also treat him as well as we do…. We can afford Kimi definitely. We have more money than last year,” he told the Bild.

Boullier, however, isn’t counting his chickens.

“It is not the question of how I am going to keep him – it is a question of does he want to stay? This is really the question,” he told the F1 website.

“Mr (Red Bull owner Dietrich) Mateschitz is dreaming of getting him on board – and maybe he will get him on board – but in the end it is Kimi who will decide what he wants to do,” he explained.

“(But) why should he want to race against Vettel at Red Bull Racing?” he asked even though the two drivers are friends off the track.

Translation Services – For reals, yo! How can this be anything but Lotus straight-up fucking with Vettel’s head?! You’ve got RBR claiming they’re after Kimi. You know Kimi doesn’t care. I mean, I’m sure he’s fine at Lotus. But, really, it’s Kimi: fucking RBR, Lotus, Ferrari. . . Shit, fucking Rally Car, right? What does he care? He doesn’t! (Except McLaren. Bless their hearts. Even Kimi and the ice dragons couldn’t wrestle those Estrella de Oro buses onto the podium.) This is why we love him!

So, RBR is messing with WEB and Lotus via Kimi, Lotus is breathing down VET’s neck every. fucking. race. RBR thinks they’re gaming Lotus, since they know Kimi doesn’t care. And what does Lotus do?! They double-down and toss that shit right back at them! They get in a dig about team orders and RBRs inter-team dysfunction! I’m disappointed Eric didn’t toss in a dig about the tyres! Like VET would ever leave RBR, where his every robo-need is attended to by a team of enablers and sycophants!!

It’s SO PERFECT!!

A few things I’m of which I’m sure:

1. Kimi thinks this is all HILARIOUS.

2. VET’s positrons and servos are in “very confused-mode”. However, nothing over-rides “win at all costs-mode”.

3. Lotus, hands down, has this entire game so fucking nailed. The web-site, the Twitter, the car, the drivers, the tyre management, the hashtags, the mind-games, everything. There should be an award for over-all, balls-out, complete OWNAGE at the end of every season!

Shit, at this point, I almost feel like this whole thing is a trap, set into motion by Eric in, like, mid-2012. Maybe he watched Breaking Bad in the off-season? I did see him sitting by the pool, thinking and thinking and plotting.

Pirelli, Translated

Say, there, Giuseppe, do you have more of that Essence of Soiled Diaper? I just ran this tyre though the How-Many-F1-Drivers-Will-Bitch-About-The-Tyres-?-Ometer. It went past “Makes Massa Cry”, but didn’t quite hit “Makes Hamilton Buy a Case of Haribo and Cry-Eat the Whole Thing.”

Danke to F1Zone for the link.

Pirelli has resisted pressure to radically alter their tyre compounds, although a tweaked hard tyre will be introduced at next month’s Spanish Grand Prix.

Pirelli had been under pressure, particularly champions Red Bull, to move away from the early season races defined by aggressive compounds.

“After evaluating tyre performance over the balance of the first four races, we took the decision – in consultation with all of the teams – to change the hard compound from Spain onwards, as we did in Barcelona two years ago when we also introduced a new hard tyre for the rest of the season,” said Pirelli motorsport director Paul Hembrey.”

“This latest version of the hard compound is much closer to the 2012 tyre, with the aim of giving the teams more opportunity to run a wider range of strategies in combination with the other compounds, which remain unchanged.”

The company has also nominated which tyres will be used at the next three races.

Pirelli’s hardest compounds – the medium and hard – will be used in Spain to cope with the high energy demands of the Circuit de Catalunya.

The two softest compounds – the supersoft and soft – will be used around the tight and twisty corners of Monaco, as has been the case since 2011.

For the Canadian Grand Prix, Pirelli will bring the supersoft and medium tyres.

Pirelli – “Fine, RBR, FINE! We won’t change the whole caboodle just because you guys walk onto the paddock, see the ‘Pirelli’ logo and drop to the floor screaming like a five year-old who discovers that the iPad didn’t get charged last night; we’ll tweak one fucking tyre. And by ‘tweak’, we mean ‘we won’t do shit, but we’ll tell you we did shit’ and YOU’LL STILL WIN EVERY FUCKING RACE! Or, heh, at least, one of your drivers will win. One of them wins on these crappy, crappy tyres; the other, you have a little problem with gassing his car up. Seriously, how can you complain about the tyres when you can barely keep one on the track and, of the drivers, you keep exactly zero of them happy?

Gah! Stop projecting!!!!!!”

Confidential to Red Bull Racing

We all love Fuck You! tacos!

Hey! Guys! On the Twitter, McLaren is doing a brief seminar on how to act like adults!

Oh, wait: They already did that. . . On the fucking racetrack!

2013 Bahrain GP, Post-Race Driver’s Quotes, Translated

Would you all like to eat a giant taco of FUUUCK YOUU??! No? Oh, well YOU WILL EAT IT ANYWAY!!! Hey, it’s no Al Pastor, but no one ever said life was perfect! I have this nice green salsa.. . it’s kind of spicy. . .what? You don’t like spicy? Shut up and eat your Fuck You taco.

Thanks, Bernie, for the link. You are has generous with links as you are accommodating to oppressive regimes with loads of oil money.

Red Bull
Sebastian Vettel (1st)

“It was good fun at the beginning with some very tight wheel to wheel racing. At the start you don’t know if you will be quick or not, as everyone is a bit all over the place, including yourself! It’s important to get to the front; we saw at the last race that if you get stuck behind someone then it does have an impact on tyre wear and today it was important to make use of the tyres we had saved from qualifying yesterday. I love to be in clean air, so I was pushing hard to get into the lead and, with the speed we had mid-race, it was quite comfortable today. Well done to the whole team, to everyone here, to the factory in the background and especially to those who were working on the strategy today; it worked just as we expected, so we obviously got the numbers right.”

VET – “All y’all who think I’m a dick can, in fact, suck my dick. Numbers, speed, laps: these are things that have meaning to me. Emotions, feelings, camaraderie, others (other than those who help me attain numbers, laps, and speed): these things are superfluous. I have enjoyed my human counterparts’ attempts to challenge my domination! I look forward to seeing them in this planet’s country called ‘Spain’.”

Mark Webber (7th)
“The beginning wasn’t too bad, but we lost quite a bit of time in the second stint trying to clear people. We went aggressive on the first few out laps, which meant we jumped people, but the tyres didn’t like it. That meant the second stint was a disaster really in terms of pace at the end and that loaded the other two stints up. In the middle of the race I thought I could get on the podium, but then it was about pace management and it’s a fine line between racing and saving tyres. Others pitted a bit before me at the end, but it wasn’t enough for me to get home. If you race people hard then you run out of tyres, but if you don’t then they come through. In the end it was a pretty good battle with Lewis for both of us; neither of us had any tyres left, but we were trying to race as best we could.”

WEB – “Heh. Well, let’s see. . . .crappiest events so far this year? Getting shat on by my team-mate? Hmm. .. No, that wasn’t it. Grid penalty after a giant poop of a race in China? Well. . .. no, that wasn’t so bad, really. Getting FUCKING PASSED by FUCKING PEREZ and his FUCKING FLECHA DE ROJO BUS IN THE LAST FIVE LAPS??!!!! This guy, from Porsche, he left me a phone number on his card. I’ve got that around here somewhere. What the fuck did I do with that card?!”

Christian Horner, Red Bull team principal
“An absolutely impeccable drive from Sebastian today. He executed two brilliant overtakes, one on Fernando and the other on Nico Rosberg. After that he dominated the race until the finish and managed his tyres brilliantly. The strategy worked perfectly with the tyres that we conserved in qualifying, which ended with a dominant win on a three-stop strategy. For Mark, after racing very well in the first stint and making progress through the first round of pit stops, in the second stint he pushed very hard on the first few laps which effectively elevated him into second position. Unfortunately he couldn’t achieve the longevity in that stint, which put him under pressure for the final two. His last stop put him in the range of those on two-stops, and then it was a matter of making it to the end. Despite fighting fantastically well and racing very hard with Lewis, he ran out of rear tyres before the end of the race, but still got some valuable points.”

Horner – “VET is so pretty when wins. Mark, you’re cute but so very slow. Love, Christian.”

Lotus
Kimi Raikkonen (2nd)

“You’re never really happy if you don’t win, but I suppose second place is as close as you can get. I drove to the maximum and the car had the pace that we missed in qualifying yesterday so it was a pretty good result. We didn’t have the speed to challenge Sebastian [Vettel] today but we did have the pace to get both cars on the podium so I’m happy for the team.”

RAI – Bitches. You feel my cold breath, don’t you? It’s pointless to pretend like I’m not here. One wrong fucking move, VET. One. Wrong. Move. And I will wrap the automaton called, “Vettel” in a crystalline cloak of defeat and misery. People call me “emotionless”, I have a fucking fire burning within me. I am the ember that crackles and shimmers through the night. Waiting, waiting, waiting to ignite the conflagration. Also, for fuck’s sake, just how long is the German National Anthem??!! We get it: you’re the Nation of Destiny. I love the Finnish Anthem: ‘Laa Laa LAaaaa! Finland! We’re a country. It’s cold here. Life is hard. We try to have fun. There are ice dragons. Finland!'”. 

Romain Grosjean (3rd)
“It’s great to be back on the podium and it’s a fantastic result for the team. It hasn’t been an easy start to the season for me, but we made good progress through the weekend and are now back to where we should be. I felt much more comfortable in the car and the result today is a deserved reward for everyone after all our hard work. It was a really enjoyable race with a lot of overtaking and a couple of tense moments along the way, so to come from P11 through to the podium is really satisfying. We’ve had consistency already, finishing every race in the points, but now it’s the big results we’re chasing and this is a very good start to that challenge.”

GRO – “I’ve already asked HAM to write a song for me. The lyrics go: ‘I was right! I was right! I needed a new car! A new chassis! All you assholes love Kimi more! Why? I’m lovable, too! I’m French! I got my new toy! It goes really fast! It totally wasn’t psychological! No! No! No! It wasn’t all in my head! Have I mentioned I was right?’ Dope beats, y’all!”


Ferrari
Fernando Alonso (8th)

“We definitely didn’t have much luck today and that’s a real shame, at the end of what had been such a positive weekend for me and Felipe up until this afternoon. We had been competitive in free practice and qualifying and we were both expecting to have a good race. After the opening laps, when I thought the rear tyres had gone off, the pit wall informed that the DRS was stuck. It wasn’t fixed properly at the first stop and so I had to come in for another one. From then on, the clear instruction from the pit wall not to use it affected my race. I tried to recover but it was really difficult finding places to overtake without DRS. When you are far back, in the middle of a group, tyre degradation is even harder to manage. I am sure that without the problems me and Felipe had, we would have finished higher up, because the car responds very well and it is definitely our best of the last four years. But having a good race involves a lot of factors, including a bit of luck. Let’s hope it balances out very soon, maybe even starting in Barcelona, my home race. There, it will be even more important to have a good qualifying, because it’s not easy to overtake on that track and so starting from the front is vital.”

ALO – “If shit doesn’t turn around for me by Barcelona, I am FUCKED. Turns out, having a 18+ hottie on the paddock is not the good luck charm I thought it was. Bummer for MAS, ’cause I had just given him a list to all these awesome web sites. Also, I have to TOTALLY stop hanging out with WEB.”

Felipe Massa (15th)
“I was really unlucky in this race and even if it’s true that many things can happen in this sport, I can’t find an explanation for why so many of them have to be negative. At the start, I lost ground after the collision with Sutil and then I lost even more time coming back to the pits to change tyres and that wiped out any chance of having a good race. At the start, I suffered a bit with understeer, but I don’t believe that was the cause of my problems, while we still need to check what happened to my tyres that failed in this way. In the first instance it was probably delamination on the right rear and in the second it might have been due to a puncture. Now we must try and understand exactly what happened and immediately turn our attention to the next race.”

MAS – “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ok, Whoever has the ‘Hulkenberg’ voo-doo doll and whoever painted it to look like me, you can stop now! Ha! Ha! Ha! Very FUCKING FUNNY!  Really, ok. Stop, ok?”


Force India
Paul di Resta (4th)

“It’s great to round off the fly-away races with a fourth place and a race that was probably my strongest Grand Prix. The podium was very close, but with our strategy we were always going to be vulnerable at the end of the race – especially to Grosjean who had two new sets of medium tyres. I had a good start to the race, a strong opening stint and we showed our true speed today, but ultimately fourth place was the maximum that was possible. We will get on the podium one day, hopefully soon, but for now we can be very happy with the points we’ve scored today. A big thanks to the whole team because it’s been an excellent weekend and I feel we managed to get 100 percent out of the car.”

RES – “I caught ‘Hulkenberg Fever'”!

Adrian Sutil (13th)
“It’s disappointing to get a puncture in a race that looked so promising. My start was clean and I was racing Massa going into turn four. I was on the outside; I gave him a lot of space but he was off-line and made contact with my front right tyre. I don’t know what he did exactly but I had a puncture immediately. I had to pit and lost a lot of time, which ended my chance of scoring points. I had amazing pace in the race and I just kept my head down to try and recover something from the race, but I had lost too much with the puncture. But I’m happy for the team and fourth place for Paul gives us more points. There are many more races to come so we will keep focused and next time score points with both cars.”

SUT – “Oh, man. I am beginning to accept that I suck and that I race for Force India.”

Mercedes
Lewis Hamilton (5th)

“I’m really happy with our result today. It’s been a tough weekend for us but we got through it and finishing in fifth place was some good damage limitation. My race didn’t start well at all. I was looking after the tyres but I really struggled on the first two stints and was falling back. But as the temperatures dropped, the car picked up and then I had the grip that I needed to push and close the gap. I had so much fun fighting with Mark at the end. We really needed that point and I was so determined to get by. It was good, clean wheel-to-wheel racing. I’m very proud of what we have achieved over the first four races and to be third in the drivers’ championship is beyond any of our expectations. But we’ve got to keep pushing and find more performance. We’re hanging on by the skin of our teeth at the moment and, if we can make that next step, then we can close the gap.”

HAM – “While I am glad that I jumped like a proverbial rat from the sinking ship that is McLaren, I obviously jumped from one dinghy to, like, this 40 year-old Alcoa paddleboat. I was kinda aiming for that yacht over there. Yeah, the one with all the girls in bikinis and the big red, um, bull, um, painted on the side. . . .. . I’ll be over here, crying. Bless”

Nico Rosberg (9th)
“A tough day for me. As nice as it was to start from pole this afternoon, it was just as hard to finish in ninth place. I didn’t feel comfortable in the car today and it wasn’t much fun out there really. We switched to a four-stop strategy at the end of my third stint but it wasn’t enough. We were using the rear tyres too much and at the end, I was really struggling and wasn’t able to push hard enough. There is a lot of work ahead and we need to focus on why our race performance isn’t matching the pace that we can show in qualifying. Hopefully we can make some steps here before the European season starts.”

ROS – “Well, that was fun while it lasted! Then it sucked.”


McLaren
Sergio Perez (6th)

“That was an incredible race – really enjoyable. I have to thank the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes team first of all – we’ve been through some difficult times recently, but they kept on supporting me. All in all, it’s been a solid weekend – we got pretty much the maximum from the car, ran a great strategy, looked after the tyres, and scored some very useful points. I guess I was a little aggressive on track today; banging wheels with Jenson was perhaps a little too risky, a little too hard, but the team never came on the radio to tell us to stop racing. There were no team orders. There was a lot of adrenaline from both of us, and Jenson is always a very strong racer, but hopefully we’ll help each other a little more in the future. He was calm and friendly after the race, though, which was great; but that isn’t surprising because he’s a great guy as well as a great driver.”

PER – “What? All you fucking ‘gueros’ have never heard of the term ‘Machismo’? Are fucking idiots? You sit around all week, saying, ‘Sergio has no dick! Sergio has no dick!’ And you think I’m not going to whip this monster out and fucking waggle it every face that has eyes within twenty miles?! Fuck you and fuck you and , you? Yes: fuck you. Confidential to Button: You are cute. You have bad teeth, you must. You are slower than The Monster. Stay the fuck out of my way.”

Jenson Button (10th)
“Today wasn’t brilliant for me. Okay, the race was a lot of fun, but I didn’t get the result I wanted because I used up my tyres fending off Checo. There was a lot of action out there, and as I say I wasn’t really able to conserve my tyres as a result. That was partly because I had to work my way back through after my second pitstop, when I’d been fighting with Romain (Grosjean). But there was a lot of clean racing out there too – although as I say Checo was a bit tough, which was a little unusual. He did a good job overall though: he had good pace, and he looked after his tyres well. So, congratulations to him, because together we scored some very useful points for the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes team today.”

BUT – “Have you fuckers seen PER’s cock?! HOLY SHIT!”

Martin Whitmarsh, McLaren team principal
“The 2013 Gulf Air Bahrain Grand Prix was a fantastic motor race, and I’m sure it was hugely entertaining for the tens of millions of viewers who watched it at home as well as for those lucky enough to be here at Sakhir to see it for real. Checo drove his best race for Vodafone McLaren Mercedes so far, passing both Fernando and Mark in the closing stages, to finish a fighting sixth at the flag. It was a very good drive, especially when you consider that he was able to maintain such strong race pace despite having sustained damage to his rear wing and one of his front-wing endplates. Jenson would have finished right up there, too, had he not had to make an extra tyre stop with just 10 laps to go. Nonetheless, he, too, finished in a solid points-scoring position. The two of them spent much of the afternoon in close proximity to each other – sometimes in nail-bitingly close proximity actually – but that’s motor racing. Both Jenson and Checo are fast, forceful and hungry for success – and that’s exactly how it should be. It’s called racing, and we at Vodafone McLaren Mercedes always allow our drivers to race. It’s what this sport is all about. Having said that, it’s probably fair to say that Checo was a little too combative with Jenson this afternoon, and I think he knows that. From here we travel back to Woking, where we’ll work hard on our upgrade package for Spain, where in three weeks’ time we hope to continue the process of demonstrating the fruits of our steady development of MP4-28 into the competitive machine we need it to be.”

Whitmarsh – “I knew we’d get some results if we kept showing Checo pictures of him in a Speedo with a big arrow and a question mark pointed at his genitals. I only hope that Button will keep having Jessica come ’round the paddock now that she knows the frightening, thrilling truth about Sergio.”

Williams
Pastor Maldonado (11th)

“Considering the problems we have been having, I think we got 100 percent out of the car today. We put everything together today, working well as a team and managing the tyres, and 11th was the maximum we could have achieved. We are really looking forward to the next race where we should see a step forward. We must stay together and positive. It’s a difficult time, but we still have many races to go.”

MAL – “Was I even in Bahrain? I have a bunch of sand in my ass-crack. It must’ve been more than a bad dream.”

Valtteri Bottas (14th)
“The race was really dominated by the rear tyres today. In the first two stints I was fighting with a lot of cars so it was difficult to look after the tyres and manage the pace. The last two stints were better as I had more clean air and managed to make up some ground on the cars ahead. We now need to keep on working to get some updates to help us in coming races.”

BOT – “By ‘updates’, I mean, ‘hacking into the VettelFeed from Planet Speed Robot and actually making podium.'”

Sauber
Nico Hulkenberg (12th)

“It was a difficult and frustrating weekend. It was clear from the beginning that we were not fast enough and that it would be challenging. We are lacking speed and eat up the rear tyres too much so it simply wasn’t enough this weekend. We pitted a bit too late, because we expected to have more problems on low fuel, which in the end we didn’t have. That cost us at least one position. This weekend clearly showed we need to bring some new parts to Barcelona in order to improve our speed and fight for points.”

HUL – “I cannot wait to get to a country where we can drink.”

Esteban Gutierrez (18th)
“I expected a difficult race and this is what I got. We need to find more speed. On the first lap I had contact down into Turn 10, which was really hard to avoid. Apart from that, things were quite okay, but, of course, finishing a race like this is definitely not enough and we need to improve. We have to analyse the strategy and hopefully we will bring some good updates to Barcelona.”

GUT – “Glad I finished!”

Toro Rosso
Daniel Ricciardo (16th)

“I got a reasonable start, better than some of the guys around me and I got ahead of Grosjean. Then at some point, I locked up the wheels and lost a position or two. All afternoon, we just struggled with speed: in the first stint, tyre warm-up was a problem and I was losing a lot of time on braking. We never really recovered, even though we tried to make a few changes to the balance of the car at the pit stops. We must look into what exactly was wrong with the car as we were really limited in terms of downforce.”

RIC – “Ugh.”

Jean-Eric Vergne (DNF)
“I was pushed by Bottas as I passed him on the outside of Turn Four, giving him plenty of room and he clipped my car. Unfortunately for Van de Garde, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and it was a big impact, which caused a lot of damage to the car, including a puncture and left it with a big piece of the floor missing. After I pitted, I tried to carry on to see how the car felt, but in the end, I was a lap down, I’d lost plenty of aero and the team could see that the damage was causing the car to overheat to an unsafe level, so they called me in to retire. This opening sequence of races has not gone too well for me and I really hope that the beginning of the European part of the season will be like a new start for me.”

VER – “What RIC said.”


Caterham
Charles Pic (17th)

“That’s our best race of the year so far and one the whole team should be pleased with. I quickly passed both the Marussia cars after starting on the medium tyres which held up for the first stint pretty well, allowing me to pit for the first time on lap 11. By that point the car felt good, well balanced and I was pulling away from the cars behind without any issues. We stayed on the hard tyres for the second stint and again the deg levels were good. I passed Gutierrez and was running comfortably in 16th until Sutil got past about two thirds of the way through the race. As the fuel levels dropped the deg levels increased a little but it wasn’t an issue. I was keeping pace with Ricciardo just ahead, and keeping Gutierrez behind me and we decided to stay out after the third stop so I did a very long stint on the hard tyres, 21 laps, and brought it home in 17th. I’m really pleased with how close we finished to the Toro Rosso ahead, and the fact we kept a Sauber behind – maybe if I’d been slightly further up the road after the start we could have beaten Ricciardo, but we can take this performance as a good step and look forward to what’s coming next in Spain.”

PIC – “You know, you travel all over the world and you eat a lot of clag and there’s just some clag that doesn’t suit your palette. Some people like sandy, gritty clag infused with the blood of the oppressed. For me, it just doesn’t do it. Give me some clag with chips or clag with a nice red wine reduction. These guys here, with there hummus and no drinks with dinner. .. You just have to smile and compliment the clag-chef and choke it down.”

Giedo van der Garde (21st)
“I didn’t have a great start but I was up to about 16th with a couple of other cars going into turn four and saw that Vergne had spun and was moving off the line. I tried to miss him but couldn’t and we made contact which destroyed my front wing and basically ended my race on the first lap. I couldn’t really do anything from that point so I just got my head down and pushed but after losing so much time with the unplanned stop on lap one, and having a delaminated right front after my fourth stop, there really wasn’t anyone to race with. From that point I just made sure I brought the car home and used this as another step in my learning curve. Despite today it’s been a good weekend for the team. The developments we put on my teammate’s car have worked well and there’s another step to come in Spain when I’ll have the same package as Charles. From that point I think my season will look different. We’ll be on tracks I know really well, from GP2, World Series and from F1, and with the updates we have coming we have reasons to be positive. The first four races have been exactly what I thought they would – pretty tough, but I’m learning all the time and the whole team’s right behind me. I’m feeling really good physically and mentally and I can’t wait to get started again in Barcelona.”

GAR – “Asia sucks. Getting hit, too, sucks. If any of you fuckers need me for the next three weeks, I’ll be in Amsterdam, eating fucking Gouda, riding my bike and sniffing the fucking tulips!”

Marussia
Jules Bianchi (19th)

“A really difficult race for us today and a tough weekend all round to be honest. I was hoping that things might improve for the race, but we really struggled with the tyres. On my fourth stint the plan was to go to the end but we had to pit again. From there it was just about making it to the finish and holding position with the cars around me. There isn’t much more to say about here; it was not destined to be our race and we are at the stage where we need to implement the next round of upgrades, which of course are coming right when we need them for Barcelona. My thanks to the pit crew today for a busy day of pit stops and for keeping their spirits through the weekend.”

BIA – “I’m becoming less enchanted with being here.”

Max Chilton (20th)
“Despite a difficult weekend for us here, there were some encouraging signs in the race today. I got a really good start, which I was very pleased with, and this meant that we were able to leapfrog both of the Caterhams for a while. Unfortunately we struggled on the tyres and it wasn’t long into each stint before we hit that window again. I’m pleased that I have demonstrated that I drove to the pace of the car today and although we weren’t in a position to race who we want to be, I did at least have a good battle with my team mate.”

CHI – “HOLY CRAP!! HAVE YOU GUYS EVER SEEN MORE SAND??!! IT’S EVERYWHERE! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?! MAN, THEY SURE SO HAVE US RACE IN SOME CRAZY PLACES! GLAD TO BE HERE!”

Pirelli
Paul Hembery, Pirelli motorsport director

“It was fantastic to see such brilliantly close racing all the way down the field, from the start to the finish of the Grand Prix. To some extent this was down to the fact that there was only a small performance gap between the two compounds, meaning that we saw lots of different thinking on strategy. On this occasion, there was no clear advantage in starting on particular compound when it came to overall race time. The high temperatures – the highest we have seen all year so far – made managing thermal degradation a particular challenge, which rewarded the drivers with the best strategy and smoothest driving style. There was a clearly an issue with the tyre on Felipe Massa’s Ferrari, which we are investigating at the moment. We’ve seen one sidewall cut and one at the top of the tread, and we’re currently trying to find out what caused those cuts.”

Hembery – “It isn’t that Lotus has an advantage, it’s that, less Kimi and Seb, you all drive like fucking idiots.”

Renault Sport
Remi Taffin, Renault Sport F1 head of track operations

“A great result for all at Renault Sport F1, with a clean sweep of the podium for the second consecutive year in Bahrain. It’s also the first time in a year that an engine manufacturer has done this so we can be really proud of the result. Coming at a tough track like Bahrain, where the heat, lack of humidity and general ambient conditions put lots of pressure on the engine internals, it’s an even more satisfying result. While Sebastian’s win and the two Lotuses on the podium is the highlight of the day for us, there are a number of other positive areas. The performance of the two Williams was stronger and Pastor was not too far away from scoring the first points of the season. Equally the Caterhams have made a big step forward here and now seem to be back in front of the Marussias. Having this depth of performance across all our partners is obviously what we want to do – and having two fighting for the championship is really an ideal way to be in the championship. We’ve got a number of areas to focus on now in the break before the start of the European season, not least with the teams bringing new upgrade packages, so we’ll celebrate this one and then get back to the hard work to try and repeat it in Spain!”

Taffin – Can everybody stop with the “Renault Alliance” jokes now, please!??

Ermigarrrddd, F1 is shuuuuuuur beerrrring!!

What a boring race. F1 is so boring right now. Ermigarrrd, I wish thay would just let these people race! Except for the strumpet. What the fuck is she doing up there, anyway?

Before we get to the post-race translations, a special memo to all y’all who have been complaining about F1 being so boring what with the tyres that degrade and the DRS and the KERS and this isn’t “Racing”. I respect your opinions, I guess, but after the race on Bahrain, with its fan-less stands and year-old dust puffing up off the track, um, with upmost respect, could YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!?? Um, please? Perez! Racing like a man possessed! How is that not “racing”?! Kimi! Going from 8th to 2nd! How is that not “racing”? Grosjean and his shiny, new chassis, going from 11th to 3rd! Massa’s sad, epic collapse! Perez and Button having a domestic all over the track! Holy shit! I though I was watching an Early-Nineties episode of “Cops”! 

IT WASN’T BORING! IT WAS “RACING”!

Der!

Friday Practice, Translated

In fact, it is true: every time a driver bitches about the tyres, an angel gets their wings.

Thanks for the link, Bernie!

Lotus
Kimi Raikkonen, P1 – 1:35.345, 9th; P2 – 1:34.154, 1st

“It’s nice to be fastest but you never know what the others are doing; we just stick to our programme and don’t take too much notice of what else is happening. I actually made a mistake through the final corners on my fastest lap, so there’s still more time to be found. It’s tricky to get the setup right here and the wind can make a big difference; it might work for you one way but make things more tricky the other. It wasn’t a bad start today; things aren’t exactly where we want them but we’re reasonably fast, so let’s see what we can do from here.”

RAI – “See? While all you little bitches are changing your diapers and crying because daddy won’t give you different tyres, I am quietly kicking all of your asses. Even, EVEN if I don’t win this race or the Driver’s Championship, I’ll earn the begrudging respect of the most devoted non-Lotus fan becauseI don’t spend half my life bitching about shit I can’t control!!!!”

Romain Grosjean, P1 – 1:35.611, 10th; P2 – 1:34.631, 7th
“The new chassis feels good. Today we’ve been working on getting the right correlation between chassis, setup and tyres to extract everything we want from it. It’s easy to know what you want, the difficult bit is getting the little details sorted, but we’re getting there and it’s been a positive day. We’ve seen that Kimi was fastest today so that gives us a great target for tomorrow.”

GRO – “7th?! I told you assholes to let me smash up the nose and wing before I went out there!!”

Alan Permane, Lotus trackside operations director
“It was a fairly standard Friday for us, which is a nice way to start the weekend. We looked at setup work in the morning before moving to longer runs, higher fuel race pace and degradation analysis on both tyre compounds in the afternoon, with no problems or interruptions to the programme. We were able to push both allocated compounds of tyres pretty well in the hot conditions today and generally the cars are well balanced. Romain’s running a new chassis and overall is happy with the car so we’re looking forward to an exciting qualifying session tomorrow.”

Permane – “Except for Roman’s useless bitching, could anyone love life more than me right now? Maybe Kanye West, he is tapping all the best asses, right? Other than him: I wouldn’t trade places with anyone else in the world. I see Horner in the Director’s lounge, in a corner, crying, an ashtray full of butts on the table in front of him, holding his head in his hands and I just laugh and laugh and laaaauuugh.

Red Bull
Mark Webber, P1 – 1:35.101, 7th; P2 – 1:34.184, 2nd

“I would have liked to have got some more running in P2, but I still think we learned what we expected today. Saturdays are perhaps becoming less important overall than they used to be, but they’re still important in terms of traffic. You don’t want to be in too much traffic on Sunday, as the tyres don’t like being disturbed and wear more which will shorten your first stint – so you still need to be in a good position. We still have areas to improve on the car. Lotus and Ferrari look strong and Mercedes is there too.”

WEB – “I keep getting these scrawled notes in my mailbox. They say: ‘Mark, This is God. I’m not sure why. Maybe you’re just too good-looking. Yo, sorry, but, I JUST HATE YOUR GUTS. Love, God.'”

Sebastian Vettel, P1 – 1:34.790, 4th; P2 – 1:34.282, 3rd
“It’s pretty close. If you look at the opposition then Ferrari and Lotus were strong today and I think it will be close in qualifying. It’s important to work with the tyres around the track. I wasn’t so happy with my short runs today – but that’s why we have the Friday practice sessions I guess; I was happier with the longer runs. The tyres still seem to be the dominating factor. The car seems quick, so we have to make sure we use that and then we should be on the right page.”

VET – I am so glad to be in Bahrain! All these protestors, taking rubber bullets from some King or something. For once, it’s nice not to be the biggest asshole in the country where we’re racing.

Ferrari
Fernando Alonso, P1 – 1:34.564, 2nd; P2 – 1:34.310, 4th

“It was a positive day and we are reasonably pleased with how the car behaved. We had no major problems and more importantly, we didn’t have to make any radical changes to the F138 to adapt it to this track and its long straights and slow corners, characteristics which I like a lot and usually produce a great show in the race. Unfortunately, the wind and sand make everything a bit more complicated here, because the track surface never gets completely clean. However, the initial feelings are good and I think we can be up in the leading group tomorrow, a group that is all within the same two, maximum three-tenths. We have not yet decided if we will use the aero updates we tried in the morning. It is not yet completely clear how they worked and in the afternoon, we concentrated on comparing the two tyre compounds we have for this race. Ahead of us is another long evening of studying data to choose the best strategy and set-up for qualifying and the race.”

ALO – Oh. My. GOD. Did you hear that, you fucking assholes? I’m, like, pretending to be worried about the wind. .. and the sand. We’re thinking we might put this wing on the car that makes it go even FASTER. . .Or, we might not. Seriously: at this point, we really are totally fucking with all of you. Maybe I’ll “bitch” about the tyres, just to make it seem like I care. Really, the only thing that scares me are those ice dragons that always seen to be around Kimi. . . What? What do you mean: ‘What ice dragons?’ You SEE THEM, right?! Oh, fuck.”

Felipe Massa, P1 – 1:34.487, 1st; P2 – 1:34.552, 6th
“Everything went well today, even if it’s not easy to say at the moment where we will be on Sunday. Car balance was good and it behaved well in all conditions, even if we suffered a bit with tyre wear, especially at the rear. It’s pretty normal to have significant degradation in such high temperatures and on this front, we have a lot of work to do to prepare for the race. On the medium tyres, the F138 worked really well, even over a long run, but the key on Sunday will be managing the degradation of both compounds, as well as deciding on whether or not to use the updates we tried here this morning.”

MAS – “Fuck me, I need a hotter girlfriend.”

Pat Fry, Ferrari chassis director

“Of the aerodynamic updates we tried this morning, some worked well, while with others we have yet to decide if we will use them this weekend, because it is still too early to say what real advantage they bring. There was not enough time to test them fully, but I’m still pleased at how we managed to get through the work programme planned for both cars. In the afternoon session, we had a good balance on the hard tyre, while we found it a little bit more difficult with the Medium. On this compound, Fernando was unable to improve his time, partly down to traffic, but I’m sure that tomorrow he will find a way to go better. Race pace seems good here and now we face a careful analysis of all the data we gathered to see where we are compared to our main rivals.”

Fry – “Muhahahahahaaaaaaaa! MUHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Force India
Paul di Resta, P1 – 1:34.949, 5th; P2 – 1:34.543, 5th

“As Fridays go it’s been positive and we’ve achieved as much as we could realistically have hoped for. The car is working well and responding as we expected, and we’ve already got a reasonable idea of where we stand. There is still some optimising to do, as always, but if we can take another step forward tonight we should be in a strong position going into qualifying.”

RES – “It’s ‘Force India’! Who the fuck am I kidding?”

Adrian Sutil, P1 – 1:35.119, 8th; P2 – 1:34.932, 9th
“Lots of laps and lots of things to evaluate today, but I’m still not totally comfortable with the car – either for short or long runs. It all feels very low grip at the moment so the set-up is not quite right for me yet. As for the tyres, there are no real concerns. My long runs looked competitive and both the medium and hard compounds seem to be working well for us in the high temperatures – as they did in Malaysia.”

SUT – “I am seriously considering not hitting Paul this weekend. OK, hey, when do we go back to Australia?”

Mercedes

Nico Rosberg, P1 – 1:34.621, 3rd; P2 – 1:34.666, 8th
“Our test programme was pretty good today in that we managed to complete everything on our plan. However it’s clear that we weren’t as strong as on the Fridays of the previous three race weekends. The car had a lot of understeer and the race will be very tough on the rear tyres. The problem is that when you want to save the rear tyres, you try to set up the car with more understeer and that costs you time over one lap. So it’s all about finding the right compromise. We’ve still got some work to do tonight to find a good balance for tomorrow and the race.”

ROS – “This car is like a Republican. Booooo, Compromise!”

Lewis Hamilton, P1 – 1:35.792, 13th; P2 – 1:34.976, 10th
“We worked as hard as we could today but couldn’t quite get the balance of the car to where it needs to be. I had some issues in P1 which we were able to improve for this afternoon so that’s a positive, but we need to identify where we are losing time and find more performance. We have changed the set-up of the car to what we thought would suit this track but we need to look at that and make sure it is the right direction to go. The heat here is so hard on the tyres so another positive is that we did as many laps as possible to look at long runs and race preparation. We’re not as far off as we might look today but there is a lot of hard work ahead and it will be a tough battle for us this weekend.”

HAM – “We worked as hard as we could this weekend. Except for when I was re-tweeting tweets with the N-word in the hashtags. I’m fucking pissed at Kimi for taking away the tyres as a valid excuse. Shit, people are going to start thinking I have some sort of control over the outcome! Bless.”

Ross Brawn, Mercedes team principal
“Neither driver enjoyed the same good balance today that we achieved during practice at the past three races and, in the hot conditions, that proved quite damaging for the tyre condition and therefore overall pace. We got a good read on how the two tyre types compare and were also able to compare some set-up items such as downforce levels to assess their impact over long and short runs. There is a lot of data to analyse and clear areas for improvement, so we will be working late into the night in order to find better solutions for tomorrow.”

Brawn – “I give it ’til Monaco. After that, Lewis is going to be tweeting telemetry between that inspirational bullshit and pictures of Roscoe.”

McLaren
Jenson Button, P1 – 1:35.069, 6th; P2 – 1:35.356, 11th

“Today’s sessions were very productive for us. We completed some useful investigative work this morning before focusing on longer runs this afternoon. It’s very difficult to know exactly what to do with set-up. This is a big traction circuit, with lots of low-speed exits and a few high-speed corners too, and that puts a lot of load into the rear tyres. The tyres are behaving a bit strangely here – driving conservatively doesn’t seem to help their wear-life, so there’s only so much you can do without damaging your outright pace. But we’ve tried a few things, and we’ll get there. I’ve already got a good feeling that we’ve found a set-up and a direction for tomorrow that will be more competitive. There’s a lot we can take away from today that will help us for tomorrow.”

BUT – “I’m so good-looking, I no longer care. Hey! Anyone want to watch a YouTube of Sergio literally being shat upon? We could watch it in my Estrella de Oro bus and have a Margarita! There’s this button…”

Sergio Perez, P1 – 1:35.640, 11th; P2 – 1:35.589, 13th
“We managed to complete our full run-plan in both the morning and afternoon, which was a positive, but it’s going to be a difficult weekend for us. Although we’ll probably be fighting to get into Q3, there’s still plenty of potential for having a good race on Sunday. The team has shown before that, with solid preparation, we can run a clever strategy on Sunday, and I think we have enough raw material from today to help us race strongly this weekend. So, scoring points is a realistic ambition for us here in Bahrain.”

PER – “Monday, they love my passion and curiosity. Thursday, they’re questioning my drive and abilities. There’s more fucking mind-gaming going on here than the second draft of the script for ‘Y Tu Mama Tambien’.”

Toro Rosso
Jean-Eric Vergne, P1 – 1:36.014, 14th; P2 – 1:35.506, 12th

“A hot day in the office, but it’s fine because you get to breathe some cooler fresh air going down the straights. It seems our pace is similar to that in China, at the end of a day when everything worked well. It’s all looking quite positive and I got a good feeling from the car. As for the tyres, the lap time difference between the prime and option is not as great as in China, but the heat means there is quite a lot of thermal degradation which will make life quite tricky in the race.”

VER – “Unlike the oppressed citizens of Bahrain, I, for one, am happy to be here!”

Daniel Ricciardo, P1 – 1:36.485, 15th; P2 – 1:35.761, 14th
“The first day here is quite complicated as the track is always dusty in the morning and that makes setting the car up rather tricky as the track is always improving. You are obliged therefore not to get too carried away in terms of making lots of changes. In the afternoon, we were tempted to make some changes and I’m not sure they were an improvement. So tonight, we must look at the data and decide which direction to go in tomorrow. We did a lot of laps, so we have plenty of data to study and I believe we have a good platform to work from. The option which I tried this afternoon is obviously going to be quicker for qualifying, but the gap is not as great as last weekend. It pays not to push the tyres too hard I think. The weather? I come from Perth, so I’ve been looking forward to some sun for a while now.”

RIC – “If we change anything, we might fuck up something on this barely-functioning car. Don’t even look at the car. I said, DON’T LOOK AT IT!!!”

Sauber
Nico Hulkenberg, P1 – 1:36.755, 17th; P2 – 1:36.133, 15th

“We were able to run our practice programme as planed today. Everything went quite smoothly. In terms of performance, there is still quite a lot of work for us to do. I expected this circuit might highlight some of the weaknesses of the car, but I think there is some potential. I’m still not happy with the balance of the car, but I think we can find more performance tomorrow if we sort out the balance. We have a long night ahead of us to try and maximise everything for this weekend.”

HUL – “I am totally looking forward to leading some random, mid-race, laps, thus creating the impression that I know what I’m doing. As always, by the end, it’ll be me and MAS in 9th and 11th, trying to figure out who the fuck we pissed off.”

Esteban Gutierrez, P1 – 1:37.214, 18th; P2 – 1:36.616, 18th
“I think we managed to improve the balance of the car in the second session compared to this morning. The first session was a bit tricky in terms of the balance of the car. We were trying a lot of different settings and measurements, but everything came together this afternoon. However, we are still missing speed in the slow corners due to lack of stability and traction. We will look at the data and work on these characteristics so we can create a car with a better margin.”

GUT – “See, in Mexico, we just willingly let the same party run the joint for 70 years. I don’t know why these people are even trying. The less energy you spend fighting, the more energy you can spend drinking. Huh? They can’t drink here? THE FUCK??!”

Williams
Pastor Maldonado, P1 – 1:36.498, 16th; P2 – 1:36.279, 16th

“We completed our planned programme today. We tested some development parts this morning and then we were back to working on set-up for the weekend this afternoon. Our short run pace isn’t as strong, but on higher fuel and used tyres the car felt better. This is what we were expecting today, and so we’ll continue to push hard tomorrow.”

MAL – “What is this? Like, three races and I haven’t hit anybody?! Check that shit! It has to be some sort of record!”

Valtteri Bottas, P1 – 1:35.783, 12th; P2 – 1:36.579, 17th
“It wasn’t a bad day for us. We gathered some valuable data in FP1 to help us to evaluate which direction to continue with the development of the FW35. In FP2 we completed some longer runs on the medium tyre, and now we will go through the data to see where we can improve as the tyre wear is big here, especially on the rears.”

BOT – “Huh-uh-huh: I said ‘rears’.”

Caterham

Charles Pic, P1 – 1:37.850s, 19th; P2 – 1:37.313, 19th
“We’ve made some progress today and I think we can be quite pleased with the job we’ve done in both FP1 and FP2. In the morning session we ran the car in the same configuration we raced in China and ran through a pretty normal FP1 program, using just the hard tyres and working on the baseline setup. In FP2 we ran a couple of new parts at the back of the car and saw more rear grip which is positive. We did find that meant there was quite a bit of understeer that we’ll need to work on for quali, but the performance run time was a good sign of where we are heading, so overall today has been ok.”

PIC – “The clag here is really dusty. They say: ‘Just eat it with some hummus!’ Hummus makes me so gassy! I don’t know: maybe I’ll try it with some baba ganoush. Or some blood of the oppressed. Some of the dignitaries at the track have said that’s really tasty.”

Giedo van der Garde, P1 – no time; P2 – 1:37.970, 22nd
“After sitting out the morning session I went straight back to work in FP2 and ran through a normal Friday afternoon program that included work on both tyre compounds on short and long runs. The tyre deg here was pretty big, especially on the mediums, but they’re coming up to temperature well and that suggests that if we can manage the deg levels this track might suit us better than the last race in China.”

GAR – “Still, with the tyres. Just like a big boy!”

Heikki Kovalainen, P1 – 1:38.401s, 20th
“It was good to be back in the car and great to be back at work with the team. The main priority today was to help give my impressions of the 2013 car in the spec it ran in for the first three races this year against the car I raced last year, and to give my feedback on the 2013 tyres. The first impression I had was that this car, which is obviously closer to the 2012 car than what will be raced for most of the rest of the season, is certainly trickier to find a balance on than the 2012 car, and the 2013 tyres go off a lot faster than last years. After one session I clearly haven’t had enough time in the car to find out how much we could change the handling with setup alterations, but I’ve been able to give the team a lot of feedback that I think will be useful this weekend on setup and tyres, and looking ahead to Spain where we’ll have more new parts.”

KOV – “No, seriously, I am so fucking glad to be here.”

Marussia
Max Chilton, P1 – 1:39.445, 21st; P2 – 1:37.313, 20th

“I’m pleased that I was able to complete plenty of running in both sessions today. This is especially important given the tough conditions we are facing, which are obviously impacting quite a lot on the way the car is behaving here. The heat is making it difficult to find good grip. We’ve tried a few things and gathered plenty of data, all of which will need some careful thought overnight, but I’m sure we can reach some conclusions which will improve things for tomorrow.”

CHI – “YOU GUYS! THERE IS SO MUCH SAND IN THIS DESERT! AND IT IS MAD HOT HERE! MAN! IT’S SO HOT, IT’S MAKING ME JUST A BIT CRANKY! STILL: SO GLAD TO BE HERE!”

Jules Bianchi, P1 – no time; P2 – 1:37.363, 21st
“It was not an easy task getting up to speed this afternoon. Having watched and listened to the challenges Max and Rodolfo were experiencing this morning, it was clear that FP2 would not be straightforward for me either. The heat is playing a big part in the way the car has been performing but I think, for my part, we were limited by the time to improve on these issues in the space of an afternoon. Given this, I am not so unhappy with my time as I was making progress and I am sure that, overnight, we will find a good solution for tomorrow.”

BIA – “Sometimes, man, I just get tired of all of Max’s positivity bullshit.”

Rodolfo Gonzalez, P1 – 1:40.215, 22nd
“Although my first experience of the MR02 was quite brief, it provided a good start for my FP1 programme at various races this year. With my programme, I had actually experienced and achieved quite a few different things before the problem with the gearbox. I felt comfortable with the car and I could see that Max and Jules were going to have quite a challenging day with the heat and the track conditions. I’m looking forward to being able to make a wider contribution to the team’s performance during a Grand Prix weekend and next time will be better for sure.”

GON – Holy fuck! At least there were some other newbies who didn’t know what the fuck they were doing? WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO RACE IN THIS HEAT?! Oh, someone just handed me a stack of hundreds labelled ‘oil money’. What was I saying?”

Pirelli

Paul Hembery, Pirelli motorsport director
“As expected, track evolution played a prominent role in today’s action, with many of the competitors not running until later in each session in order to take advantage of more rubber being laid onto the track. The track is going to keep on evolving as the weekend goes on, so we are still not seeing the full picture yet. Wear and degradation is where we expect it to be at this point during the weekend, with the rear tyres worked particularly hard here, but when it comes to the race the cars will certainly be able to complete longer stints than we are seeing at the moment. Already some drivers are completing more than 15 laps on the hard tyre, so we are certainly on track to see a three-stop strategy for the race, although it’s possible that some teams will attempt a two-stopper. Once we’ve analysed the data from tonight and seen the times from tomorrow’s final free practice session, we should be able to have a clear idea of the optimal strategy.”

Hembrey – “Have I mentioned to anyone that my body heart actually pumps the tears of little bitch drivers in the place of blood? No? Oh. well, no matter: keep up your bitching, you assholes. I’ll suck Bernie’s cock for a thousand years if it means I keep getting the tyre contract. I’ll fill my swimming pool with your salty, whiney, floor-pounding, air-kicking, grown-men-pouting tears and laugh every time I do a cannon ball, splashing Kimi, who iis sleeping poolside, vodka bottles strewn about like so many talons of the ice dragons.

Grosjean, Translated

You guys said you were going to give me a chassis just like Kimi’s! Where’s the zoomy-zoomy busted nose and smashed wing?

Thanks to Autosport.com for the link!

Romain Grosjean will get a new chassis for this weekend’s Bahrain Grand Prix as he continues to try to get on top of his problems.

The Lotus driver has struggled with the handling of his car and has been unable to match the pace of his team-mate Kimi Raikkonen, especially in race conditions, where Grosjean is finding it very hard to make his tyres work properly.

In order to rule out any car problems, AUTOSPORT has learned that Lotus has decided to bring a new chassis for Grosjean at Sakhir.

Grosjean said on Thursday in Bahrain that his confidence was still high despite his issues, but conceded finding the right operating window for the tyres is proving harder than in 2012.

“If the car is where we want we should be fine. The confidence is there. I just need to put everything together,” said the Frenchman.

“I think the tyres are more difficult to get into the window than last year’s ones and if you are out it’s a disaster.

“Since we have little time of running it’s always hard to find the right one for the race.”

GRO- Ok, ok, I know you guys brought me a new chassis, 1. Because I asked because it CAN’T be me that’s the problem and 2. Secretly, you want to prove to me that the problem is me. Ok, one more thing, one more thing: would anybody mind if I take a hammer to the nose and front wing? I told you I wanted one JUST LIKE KIMI’S!!!