Pirelli, Translated

Say, there, Giuseppe, do you have more of that Essence of Soiled Diaper? I just ran this tyre though the How-Many-F1-Drivers-Will-Bitch-About-The-Tyres-?-Ometer. It went past “Makes Massa Cry”, but didn’t quite hit “Makes Hamilton Buy a Case of Haribo and Cry-Eat the Whole Thing.”

Danke to F1Zone for the link.

Pirelli has resisted pressure to radically alter their tyre compounds, although a tweaked hard tyre will be introduced at next month’s Spanish Grand Prix.

Pirelli had been under pressure, particularly champions Red Bull, to move away from the early season races defined by aggressive compounds.

“After evaluating tyre performance over the balance of the first four races, we took the decision – in consultation with all of the teams – to change the hard compound from Spain onwards, as we did in Barcelona two years ago when we also introduced a new hard tyre for the rest of the season,” said Pirelli motorsport director Paul Hembrey.”

“This latest version of the hard compound is much closer to the 2012 tyre, with the aim of giving the teams more opportunity to run a wider range of strategies in combination with the other compounds, which remain unchanged.”

The company has also nominated which tyres will be used at the next three races.

Pirelli’s hardest compounds – the medium and hard – will be used in Spain to cope with the high energy demands of the Circuit de Catalunya.

The two softest compounds – the supersoft and soft – will be used around the tight and twisty corners of Monaco, as has been the case since 2011.

For the Canadian Grand Prix, Pirelli will bring the supersoft and medium tyres.

Pirelli – “Fine, RBR, FINE! We won’t change the whole caboodle just because you guys walk onto the paddock, see the ‘Pirelli’ logo and drop to the floor screaming like a five year-old who discovers that the iPad didn’t get charged last night; we’ll tweak one fucking tyre. And by ‘tweak’, we mean ‘we won’t do shit, but we’ll tell you we did shit’ and YOU’LL STILL WIN EVERY FUCKING RACE! Or, heh, at least, one of your drivers will win. One of them wins on these crappy, crappy tyres; the other, you have a little problem with gassing his car up. Seriously, how can you complain about the tyres when you can barely keep one on the track and, of the drivers, you keep exactly zero of them happy?

Gah! Stop projecting!!!!!!”

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