Tag Archives: Mark Webber

Team ClusterFuck/Marko, Translated

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Thanks to SpeedTV for the link.

People say I’m tone-deaf. I don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about: I can hear just fine. I just stay like this until Seb has something to say. I hear just fine.

Helmut Marko insists preseason comments he made about Mark Webber were never supposed to be interpreted as criticism of the Australian driver.

Austrian Marko, seen by most as team owner Dietrich Mateschitz’s right hand man, said before the 2013 championship kicked off that Webber “can’t maintain form” throughout an entire F1 campaign and “has a little trouble with the pressure.”


Webber hit back by saying it is obvious he is not “part of Marko’s agenda.”Marko’s apparent criticism might have gained new significance in the wake of the recent ‘Multi-21’ affair, where despite the fact Sebastian Vettel ignored team orders in Malaysia, it is Webber’s place alongside him that appears most in doubt.But Marko is quoted by Spain’s El Confidential as insisting all the fuss about his preseason Webber comments was exaggerated.“First, the interview was conducted in German,” he said. “It just happened to be Christmas, and so it was translated into other languages.

“I was asked why Vettel is champion and not Mark, so I tried to explain the differences with some facts.

“I did not think it would be taken as a criticism of Mark,” he insisted.

Marko continued: “Mark has always been a driver with a good reputation, and I have always said of him that when he has a good car, he is a winner.

“But when he has a good car, unfortunately for him, so too does Vettel. So, psychologically, it must be very hard for him.

“In the circumstances,” Marko insisted, “the magazine tried to say that I was against Mark.”

Marko made the comments about Webber in an interview with Red Bull’s in-house magazine, Red Bulletin.

“Hey, uh, Marko. Ok, we just did a PR on the “No Team Orders” policy. We need you to get out there. . .get Seb’s dick out of your mouth for two seconds and call that guy you know at El Confidential. So, let’s be clear: no team orders, right? The gloves are off. You realize that WEB is going to lash out like an angry child, right? So, yeah, get out there and just say some shit that makes it look like you might not necessarily favor VET completely. I don’t know! Say it was mis-translated! Say it was Christmas! Say the moon was full and you were vacuuming and a black cat ran through your yard and a little elf pinched your bottom right as you were quoted! Say whatever the fuck you want. Wait, don’t do that.
Whatever you do, don’t patronize to Mark with some shit about how it’s “psychologically hard” to be around someone as awesome as VET. ‘Cause, yeah, that. Probably. Won’t. Help. We’re trying to convince Kimi to come over next year, you know?! Can you at least try to make this show not look someone’s inter-family brawl at a drunken picnic? Please?”

Wurz, Translated

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Still bitter about Schumi whacking me at Monaco in ’98. Webber should just get used to eating poop. . . or quit, I guess. Just up and quitting is an option.

Thanks to F1Zone.net for the link.

Mark Webber should be able to cope with life as a highly-paid and rated ‘number 2′.

That is the view of former Williams driver Alex Wurz, who is the latest pundit to comment on the ‘Multi-21′ affair in the wake of the recent Malaysian grand prix.

Some, including 1997 world champion Jacques Villeneuve, said the affair and Red Bull’s reaction shows it is “clear” Sebastian Vettel is the team’s number 1.

On the issue of Australian Webber settling for the subordinate role, Austrian Wurz said: “He has a double digit million salary to help him deal with the pain.

“If he believes another team could serve him better, then he should say goodbye,” Wurz told Spox. “But at the moment I think he will swallow the bitter pill.

“At the end of the day, he is on a team with which he can celebrate successes. If he is lucky and Vettel is not, maybe he could even win the title.

“Otherwise, he plays second fiddle, earns good money and is one of the stars of the show. Easy!” the 39-year-old insisted.

On the issue of number 1s, some saw the situation behind the warring Red Bulls in Malaysia as evidence Lewis Hamilton has arrived at Mercedes with clear favourite status.

“I think not,” Wurz commented.

“For sure (Nico) Rosberg and his management will have been straight onto getting an explanation.

“(They will be asking) if a pecking order has been established. Or whether it was a spontaneous decision based on logic.

“Maybe (Ross) Brawn was not thinking about the friction and the misunderstanding that may arise.”

Former Toyota driver Allan McNish, however, thinks Briton Hamilton’s new status is obvious.

“Even though it’s not official,” he told the BBC, “there’s definitely a strong focus on Hamilton being their main challenge for the championship.

“They’ve opened their arms to Hamilton and they’ve certainly got their arm round him quite well at the moment.”

Wurz – “‘Bernie promised me a possible paddock spot for a new team if I just randomly and pointlessly stirred up shit that’s done-been stirred to death. But, hey! You can totally trust my judgement the next time I steward a race. Heh, I might hand out a few ‘bitter pills’ myself, just for the hell of it. Also, bitterness.”

Light Posting/Vettel, Translated

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Kimi to RBR, eh? I have to check with Helmut and Bernie, but the idea of making The Fin my bitch seems. . . . um. . . unlikely.

We’ll be on holiday for a few days, so posting will be pretty light. I know, I know! There’s a lot of exciting articles and news that require translation; it’s all so confusing otherwise, isn’t it? Not to worry: We’ll be back this weekend and get caught up on all the F1 news that’s fit to translate. Thanks, everyone, for all the “likes” and “follows”!

Pirelli, Translated

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Grazie to Formula 1 Blog for the link.

These tyres are great! GREAT FOR US TO POOP ON! We are. We’re pooping on your tyres. Really, though, pooping on your tyres is the only thing we do together anymore.

Pirelli says they are not interested in reviewing their tire compounds until at least the Bahrain Grand Prix so we’d better get used to the idea of the high degradation compounds being the focal point of derision for teams like Red Bull and possibly others.

Red Bull has been the most vocal about the manner in which the tires are impacting their performance so far this  year but Pirelli motor sport boss, Paul Hembery, says that they see no reason to accomodate just one team:

“If the whole paddock is saying something then that is a bit different,” he said.

“You have to do something and make a change and do something different, but if it is isolated and you work out why their concerns are coming forth, because it is not what they say on the surface it is something deeper than that, and you try and work it out.

“We think we know what it was and what it is, but if you go away and do things for one team you will have the whole paddock in uproar.”

No doubt you can’t favor one team but I doubt Recd Bull are the only team concerned about the tire performance so far. McLaren’s Sergio Perez was also critical of the tires as well. The issue could be in a majority versus minority opinion to prompt Pirelli to re-examine their rubber. The fact is, the Malaysian Gr4and PRix may have been more impacted by driver battles than tires according to Hembery:

“I think we have to be happy,” he said. “The two leading teams clearly had issues between the drivers, that maybe took away from what would have been an interesting finale.

“As for wheel to wheel stuff… it is something we will have to review after four races. It is still very early days.”

That seems a bit of a convenient scape goat if you consider the teams were driving and holding station due to tire degradation and rubber preservation… a catch 22 no doubt. Not to be confused with a Multi 21 though.

Pirelli Translated – “We are thoroughly relishing being the non-existent scapegoat for RBR’s soap opera. The more they bitch about the tyres, the more obvious it becomes that it’s not about the tyres. Gentlemen, you know that drunk neighbor you have? The one that beats his dog because his wife his cheating on him? Hello! You guys are winning. Leave the dog alone. Here’s a tip, RBR: If you guys don’t like the tyres but you continue to go Multi-21 in spite of the tyres and your inter-team emotional dysfunction, NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO BITCH ABOUT THE TYRES! So, um, shut up about the tyres.

Until the tyres turn into big puddles of liquified rubber the moment they hit the track, I doubt anyone else is going to say anything just to drive you crazy.

Good luck at therapy today, guys!”

Marko, Translated

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Danke to MotorSportsTalk for the link.

I see your lips moving, but I can’t hear what you’re saying.

Red Bull advisor Helmut Marko has revealed that the team considers the dispute between Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber to be over.

Vettel ignored team orders to overtake Webber for the lead in the dying stages of the Malaysian Grand Prix last Sunday, as the internal tension at Red Bull boiled over for all to see. Although many believe the matter is far from over, Marko has assured the media that the issue has been put to bed.

“In the debrief afterwards, there was the relevant discussions about the race and then there was a handshake between the two drivers,” Marko said to the BBC.

“For us, now, the issue is settled.”

Marko has frequently favored Vettel over Webber, calling the Australian “inconsistent”, but on this matter he has said that triple-champion Vettel was in the wrong.

“I don’t think he will do that again.

“They don’t have to be completely on the same page but it must be a solid working partnership.”

Although the handshake between the two drivers suggests that the situation is not irreparable, the matter is likely to still be the talk of the paddock when Formula One returns in two weeks’ time at the Chinese Grand Prix. However, Red Bull will be keen on drawing a line underneath the entire dispute, in order to prevent their championship charge being damaged from the inside.

Marko – “This shit is over because VET and I say it’s over. Anybody who continues to have a problem with this shit, they are the one with the problem. Then we’re gonna have a problem.”

You know, I remember this one time, I was a kid. This other kid: some asshole in his half-tint, rim-less glasses was giving me shit. Probably for being a fat dork, which, hey. Somehow, his mom gets involved and makes us shake hands. I never saw that kid again. I can assure you, my fat dork status notwithstanding, I would’ve attempted to kick the shit out of that kid, had we crossed paths.

I’m betting WEB holds that “handshake” in the same light. Just sayin‘

Horner, Translated

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Two advantages: 1. Improves signal reception from Planet VettelEcclestone. 2. Muffles Mark’s sobbing and Seb’s chortling.

Takk to ESPNF1 for the link

Vettel’s decision to ignore team orders and overtake Webber to take victory in Sunday’s Malaysian Grand Prix has led to criticism of Vettel and left a question mark over Webber’s future. Horner, however, defended Vettel by saying Webber would have done the same but admits it’s the latest showing of a lack of trust between the two drivers.

“They’re both competitive guys, they both race each other hard,” Horner told Sky Sports. “There has been a breakdown of trust ever since Istanbul; it’s something that we’ve had to manage since 2010 but the most important thing is that they do have a respect for each other when they race each other on track.

“What happened on Sunday was unfortunate but let’s not pretend it hasn’t happened the other way round or in other teams … if Fernando Alonso, Lewis Hamilton had been in that position, they’d have done the same. If Mark Webber had been in that position we’ve seen him do the same. So let’s not kid ourselves that this is something that is unique to Sebastian, this is something that is in any competitive driver’s DNA.”

Asked if he was confident Webber would remain with the team for the rest of the season, Horner replied: “Absolutely.

“Mark knows there was no conspiracy within the team at the weekend; we gave him the priority. Our intention was to shut the race down, to minimise the risk – particularly with the tyre deg that we’d seen – to see out that race, and it was the intent of the team that Mark would win that race.”

Horner – “Sooooo, you see: It was our intent that Mark would win the race and the most important thing is that the drivers respect each other on the track, except that Seb disregarded both of those directives. And, for all my moral and bureaucratic prevarication, it’s all moot, because any driver in that situation would’ve disregarded the team directive, and that makes it ok, except that it’s not ok, except when it’s ok. . . ..Ummmmmm. . . Could I sing you guys a few bars of ‘Skyfall’?”

Vettel, Translated

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This stylish hat helps keep me warm when I think cold thoughts of icy, unfulfilling victory.

Thanks to formula 1.com for the link (and their timing!).

As a 27-time Grand Prix winner, Red Bull’s Sebastian Vettel is no stranger to crossing the finishing line in first position. As such, we thought it would be more than appropriate for the 25-year-old triple world champion to be one of the first drivers to take our new ‘Finishing Line’ questionnaire, designed to provide an alternative insight into the minds of today’s Formula One stars…

The sportsperson I most admire is…
Sebastian Vettel: Michael Schumacher, as I know him best. It could also be Michael Jordan, but I have never met him so I’ll stick to what I know.

I’m hoping that, after, like, my eighth or ninth championship, they’ll have to change a rule just to make it more interesting. . .you know, to make the other drivers more hopeful, I guess.

The best actor in the world is…
SV: John Travolta.

I was in diapers when Pulp Fiction came out, but I’ve heard he’s awesome in that. Swordfish: awesome. Thin Red Line was really weird, but he was in that, I think. Look Who’s Talking 1 and 2 were hilarious. Battleship Earth is a real touchstone for me. I’ve decided that I’m going to go “full-creep” and convert to Scientology so I thought, what better way to acquaint myself with the church than enjoy some John Travolta movies? Did you want to watch some Tom Cruise movies? I’ve got a whole bunch here. No? Wanna listen to some Beck? 

The most memorable overtaking move of my career was…
SV: Many – some from way back, some quite recently…

HAH-HA! HAH! HA! Ha! Ah! Ha. . . .Aaaa . . aaaa. . . uh. . .uhhhhhh

My favourite song of all time is…
SV: It depends on the mood. If I really have to pick one, Back In Black.

I like it because it rhymes with “Stab you in the back!”

The best thing about the off-season is…
SV: Being home.

The worst haircut I ever got was…
SV: My short hairdo at the beginning of 2007!

I cut it really short after I had dreads! Well, Bernie made me cut them off.

The last time I lost my temper was…
SV: I lose my temper over small things – but calm down again very fast. A well-tempered personality…

It helps that my heart has adapted to pumping nearly-frozen blood.

My first pet was…
SV: The family dog – a Dalmatian by the name of Floyd.

When I say “Dalmatian by the name of Floyd” I mean “Team mate by the name of Mark”.

My most treasured possession is…
SV: My memory.

Who am I again?

The funniest person I know is…
SV: In terms of humour, Bernie Ecclestone.

I lose my shit every time he does his Andy Warhol impression!

My favourite drink is…
SV: Red Bull and apple spritzer.

And the liquified hope of the other drivers. I use it like vermouth!

You would never catch me wearing…
SV: Nothing.

Not even the emperor’s clothes!

The best excuse to give your team boss after crashing the car is…
SV: I am always honest – even to my disadvantage…

Well, honest. . .dishonest. .. advantage. . . disadvantage. . These are all just words, you know? And, like, if we get to attached to meaning, you know? The words just start to hold us back. . . . like slow team-mates, you know?

The last time I lost something was…
SV: I ‘almost’ lose things – recently I thought I’d lost my wallet, but hadn’t. Even more recently I thought I’d lost my passport, but hadn’t…

Like that time I thought I’d lost all the respect that people had for me? Shit, I had had it on the buffet, like, forever. And I kept telling myself: “Put that shit somewhere safe and where you’ll remember that that is where you put it.” Then, it was recycling day like three days ago and I just grabbed up all this stuff and put it out in the alley. I haven’t seen that respect since then, but I know it’s around here. . . somewhere.

My favourite holiday destination is…
SV: Home.

My favourite time of the day is…
SV: Morning.

Something about the morning air. I don’t know what it is. When you’re, you know, sharpening knives in the morning. It just seems like they get sharper.

The strangest rumour I’ve ever read about myself is…
SV: That I had bought an Alp in Austria. And that I had signed for Ferrari.

And that I thought Bernie Ecclestone was the funniest person I know.

The best present I’ve been given by a fan is…
SV: A drawing – of me and my car – from a fan at this year’s Australian Grand Prix in Melbourne.

It was in crayon and I was all on fire, like I was really fast. And I had these huge fangs and claws and I was, like, eating these human bones. And you could tell I was, like, this totally victorious, undefeatable monster. Down in the corner, scrawled, like, really heavily. . .Like, it took, like, three crayons just to write this. It said, “To: Seb From: Mark”. The crayon was flaking off all over, it was so thick. It’s hard to say, really: I know so many Marks. I’m on the Twitter and stuff. . .so many fans. Love the fans!

The best cure for a hangover is…
SV: Water.

I’ve been hungover A LOT (lately).

Briatore, Translated

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Grazie a Planet F1 for the link.

Riiiiight. Tell me again how I don’t know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about.

The triple World Champion had been told to hold station behind Webber heading into the final stages of Sunday’s Malaysian Grand Prix, with Webber in the lead and having been instructed to protect his tyres and turn down his engine.

Rather than follow the team’s instructions, Vettel attacked and passed Webber, leaving the Australian and team principal Christian Horner fuming.

In the aftermath Vettel said that he had made a “big mistake” and apologised to Webber, a gesture that was met with a cold reception.

While Webber said that he needed time to consider what had happened, Briatore feels that the situation has gone too far to be mended.

“I think there’s no relationship anymore,” the Italian told RAI Radio.

“It was already very formal beforehand between the two Red Bull drivers, that was very clear last year, but I don’t think this relationship can be fixed.

“They are two professionals, they will win races and so on, but it’s unthinkable Mark may help Vettel in the future, and I don’t think Vettel will help Mark.

“So we’ll have two enemies inside a single team.”

While unimpressed with Vettel’s actions, Briatore was also critical of Horner – both for his approach to the situation and his decision to allow Adrian Newey to accept the constructors’ award on the podium.

“Sepang was proof no one is in charge at Red Bull,” he mused.

“Vettel is the boss there. You can’t have a team manager also doing the driving.

“If there was a manager with balls, he (Horner) would have had them switch positions again.

Briatore – “I know nothing about the short con or the long con. Nooooo. Nothing. Not a thing. I wouldn’t know anything about that nor do you have any proof to say that I might know anything about that.

No matter what you say about me, I will say this: I do know how do run a fucking team. As in: let’s say I needed, as team principal, a driver to, um – hypothetically, of course – drive into a wall. If, when I ran this hypothetical team, that driver would. Run. His. Fucking. Car. Into. A. Wall. Because I said so. Because, I have, um, how do say. . . . . ? Mother-fucking balls. So, putting aside the fact that everything I’m talking about is hypothetical. I probably know what the fuck I’m talking about.”

Ecclestone Translated

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“I’ve a big bag of cherry Haribo if you can do some more distracting shit. Otherwise, I’ve gotta just make stuff up.”
“You smell like my grandpa.”

Danke to NBC Motorsports for the link.

Lewis Hamilton denies Bernie Ecclestone’s claim he had a chance to join to join Sebastian Vettel at Red Bull this year.

According to Ecclestone talks were held at the British Grand Prix last year for Hamilton to replace Mark Webber at the team. But Red Bull owner Dietrich Mateschitz opted to give Webber, who won the race, first refusal on the drive.

Hamilton said he didn’t know what to make of Ecclestone’s claim: “I think he said something about me talking to Red Bull?”

“I said to my management team to speak to all the teams and give me what the best options were. There was no particular one that I was pushing for more.”

Ecclestone said Vettel would have no objections to sharing a team with a driver of Hamilton’s caliber: “Sebastian wouldn’t have cared if Lewis had signed for the team.”

It’s the second time in five days Hamilton has distanced himself from remarks made by Ecclestone.

Heading into the Malaysian Grand Prix Ecclestone claimed that Hamilton would rather have taken a year’s sabbatical from racing than spend another season at McLaren.

“I don’t think I would leave this sport unless I didn’t have a good feeling about it, or a smile and an energy when I got in the car. I love racing, so there is no need to stop,” was Hamilton’s response to that suggestion.

However he did add: “I think Bernie has a better memory than me.”

ECC – Yoo-hooooo! Look over here! Pay no attention to the swirling police lights and group scream-therapy going on in Horner’s front yard! This is the real story, over here! Look over here! It’s Hamilton, being so Hamilton, you guys! Guys? Look? Over? Here? Guys. . . .. Wha. . . What was that? Woah. Is someone being led away in cuffs?!

HAM – You are old. Bless.

F1 Services – This is actually kinda of perfect. The Bern-Dawg is simultaneously trying to distract us with Hamilton Antics(tm) and make it come off like Webber is the driver to whom Red Bull is being the most loyal. Me likey, Bernie!