Team ClusterFuck/Marko, Translated

Thanks to SpeedTV for the link.

People say I’m tone-deaf. I don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about: I can hear just fine. I just stay like this until Seb has something to say. I hear just fine.

Helmut Marko insists preseason comments he made about Mark Webber were never supposed to be interpreted as criticism of the Australian driver.

Austrian Marko, seen by most as team owner Dietrich Mateschitz’s right hand man, said before the 2013 championship kicked off that Webber “can’t maintain form” throughout an entire F1 campaign and “has a little trouble with the pressure.”

Webber hit back by saying it is obvious he is not “part of Marko’s agenda.”Marko’s apparent criticism might have gained new significance in the wake of the recent ‘Multi-21’ affair, where despite the fact Sebastian Vettel ignored team orders in Malaysia, it is Webber’s place alongside him that appears most in doubt.But Marko is quoted by Spain’s El Confidential as insisting all the fuss about his preseason Webber comments was exaggerated.“First, the interview was conducted in German,” he said. “It just happened to be Christmas, and so it was translated into other languages.

“I was asked why Vettel is champion and not Mark, so I tried to explain the differences with some facts.

“I did not think it would be taken as a criticism of Mark,” he insisted.

Marko continued: “Mark has always been a driver with a good reputation, and I have always said of him that when he has a good car, he is a winner.

“But when he has a good car, unfortunately for him, so too does Vettel. So, psychologically, it must be very hard for him.

“In the circumstances,” Marko insisted, “the magazine tried to say that I was against Mark.”

Marko made the comments about Webber in an interview with Red Bull’s in-house magazine, Red Bulletin.

“Hey, uh, Marko. Ok, we just did a PR on the “No Team Orders” policy. We need you to get out there. . .get Seb’s dick out of your mouth for two seconds and call that guy you know at El Confidential. So, let’s be clear: no team orders, right? The gloves are off. You realize that WEB is going to lash out like an angry child, right? So, yeah, get out there and just say some shit that makes it look like you might not necessarily favor VET completely. I don’t know! Say it was mis-translated! Say it was Christmas! Say the moon was full and you were vacuuming and a black cat ran through your yard and a little elf pinched your bottom right as you were quoted! Say whatever the fuck you want. Wait, don’t do that.
Whatever you do, don’t patronize to Mark with some shit about how it’s “psychologically hard” to be around someone as awesome as VET. ‘Cause, yeah, that. Probably. Won’t. Help. We’re trying to convince Kimi to come over next year, you know?! Can you at least try to make this show not look someone’s inter-family brawl at a drunken picnic? Please?”

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