Yep, and all you fuckers were all, “Oh, no: Windows ME will be a total upgrade from 98! And I was all, “EEEEyyeah, maybe we should wait ’til XP comes out. ‘It’ll be more user-friendly!’ You said. ‘It’s more stable!’ You said. Fucking idiots. You know what? Any dumbass who upgraded to Windows ME? You can run Button’s fucking Twitter! I’m fucking sick of turning down marriage requests from all the fangirls!”
“The cries of the oppressed? Yeah, no, I can’t hear shit with ALL THIS MONEY CLOGGING MY EARS.”
LONDON: Formula One has no concerns about this month’s Bahrain Grand Prix becoming a target for anti-government protesters, commercial supremoBernie Ecclestone said on Friday.
The race at the Sakhir desert circuit was cancelled in 2011 when a Shi’ite-led pro-democracy uprising was crushed and at least 35 people – activists put the tally far higher – were killed.
Last year’s grand prix, the biggest sporting event in the US-allied Gulf island kingdom and watched by hundreds of millions around the world, went ahead controversially amid tight security and against a backdrop of burning tyres and riot police firing teargas at petrol-bomb throwing protesters in Shi’ite villages.
Bahrain’s opposition and government resumed reconciliation talks in February for the first time since July 2011 and, even if little progress has been reported, Ecclestone felt the situation had improved.
“I haven’t had any negative reports from anybody there,” the 82-year-old British billionaire said as he prepared for a double header with the Chinese Grand Prix on April 14 and Bahrain on the 21st.
“Somebody who actually lives there came to see me yesterday and said everything’s very normal.
“I think they (both sides) are talking now anyway… so I don’t think they’ll upset the talks by making protests,” added Ecclestone. “It didn’t help them last year, so if they had any brains they’d just get on with their talks.”
Demonstrators have continued small protests on an almost daily basis to demand equality and a constitutional monarchy in the tiny kingdom ruled by the Sunni al-Khalifa family and home to the US Fifth Fleet.
At least 10 civilians and several policemen were injured last month during protests to mark the second anniversary of the arrival of forces from neighbouring Saudi Arabia which helped crush the uprising.
Police said the demonstrators had barricaded roads and torched vehicles. Pictures published in the foreign media have shown slogans daubed on walls calling for a boycott of the race.
Asked whether there was a risk of the race being targeted more directly after the protests and international pressure failed to stop it going ahead last year, Ecclestone said: “No, I think quite the opposite.
“No concerns, none at all,” he added. Ecclestone said he would again be in Bahrain for the grand prix, fourth round of the 19 race season, and praised local organisers for their efforts.
He assured them that Bahrain, the first country to host a grand prix in the Middle East and on the calendar since 2004, had a long-term future in F1 despite Abu Dhabi’s glittering floodlit race now being a much more popular fixture with both teams and sponsors.
Ecclestone – “Somebody I know in Syria said shits cool there, too. I don’t know what all this hub-bub is about burning tyres and shit. As I said: “That’s normal.” Don’t any y’all listen to me? I haven’t heard bupkus on the newsreels ahead of “The Croods”. (We went last week: yo, that shit is HI-LARIOUS!) People tell me to check the Twitter. I assume they mean the ticker-tape machine that tallies my daily stock orgasms. It, too, has indicated that there is little valid suffering in this place called “Bahrain”, where I have a track, upon which my minions race for my entertainment. Also, money.
Look, seriously, any of you fuckers mess with my shit and we’ll pull some extraordinary renditions on your ass. You think I don’t know about torture? How ’bout you and I hang out at a photo op with WEB and VET?! Witnessing awkwardness of that magnitude kicks waterboarding’s ass any day. You’d need, like, two magnums of rosewater, later, just to relax. IT’S THAT TENSE!”
But, seriously: all my Bahrain homies! Chill out, yo!”
Yes, please tell us that we aren’t the #1 at Mercedes. We like jokes! Bless.
And it was on that day that fucking Hamilton’s ego became so massive, that it took form as a sentient being in a nearly-appropriate corollary size.
Kimi to RBR, eh? I have to check with Helmut and Bernie, but the idea of making The Fin my bitch seems. . . . um. . . unlikely.
We’ll be on holiday for a few days, so posting will be pretty light. I know, I know! There’s a lot of exciting articles and news that require translation; it’s all so confusing otherwise, isn’t it? Not to worry: We’ll be back this weekend and get caught up on all the F1 news that’s fit to translate. Thanks, everyone, for all the “likes” and “follows”!
Thanks to Mirror and McLaren Soul for the link.
Have you surfed Craigslist Mexico for used buses?! It’s all FREAKS! However, hey, they generally come with all their wheels! Hah! Ha. Uhhh.
Jenson Button roared ‘don’t write me off’ and insisted he could still be world champion this year.
And the 33-year-old said the scale of McLaren’s remarkable turnaround in Sepang had been so significant he has a smile back on his face despite scoring just two points in two races.
After struggling to ninth in a disastrous Melbourne debut for the radical new car the 2009 champion said his car would never win a race in its current state.
But just seven days later engineers unlocked the car’s true potential and Button was squaring up to battle Lewis Hamilton for a podium place in Malaysia.
Only a pit stop cock-up ruined his chances.
“The championship is still on as far as I am concerned and I am aiming for that. Definitely,” said Button.
“Sebastian almost beat me to the title in 2009 and he didn’t score for the first four races.
“It’s a massive turnaround for us. Most of the race in Sepang we were quicker than the Lotus. Most of the race we were quicker than Ferrari. Who would have thought that five days before?
“We are still not where we want to be and we got a bit lucky with the circuit being so smooth which helped a bit but a lot is understanding where the downforce is.
“The car is still not perfected, it was really thrown together for Sepang.
“The great thing is there are so many cars that are competitive and taking points off each other, which is exactly what we need.
“It was such a positive weekend until the pit stop and it hurt. And it hurt when I woke up the next day knowing we scored nothing and we could have, at worst, been fifth.
“It is what it is. We’ve got to move on and look forward to China.
“I just wish it wasn’t around three weeks away. In a way, though, that’s good because it gives us extra time to work on the car.
“For us the gap means more than it does to most teams because it gives us time to perfect the car.
“I am a very happy driver at the moment knowing we have improved so much.
“And I know what the team can achieve over the next few weeks to take a strong car to in China.
“I have gone from being pretty down in Melbourne to being a lot more positive in the five days between the first two races.
“Things are not all sorted. We still have issues and need to get the car’s ride sorted but in terms of development the car is much better. We’ve had a massive turnaround.
“We are still off the pace of the Red Bulls but it is still amazing how much you can move forward in five days and I was surprised to be in fifth and still being able to see the leader.”
BUT – “Hah. Yeah, Sergio and I were already shopping Craigslist in the D.F. for an old Estrella de Oro bus to race instead of the car. If we got a Plus model, we could transport the team and they could watch movies on the bus! Maybe even during the race. One of the mechanics has a pirated copy of “Rush” he got in Sepang.
When I say “it was really thrown together in Sepang”, I’m pretty much admitting that we really did have those pontoons on there with zip-ties. I know it sounds crazy, but it would have been awesome! We had all this extra space for the livery. But, hey, the cleansing monsoon we needed didn’t arrive.
We’ve made a lot of improvements using flash cards: We show the guys pictures of cars with four wheels going really fast and a “thumb’s up” and pictures of cars with three wheels with a big “NO” symbol on there. I think they’re really starting to get it!
But, seriously, the car was fucked, FUCKED! at the beginning of the year, and we’ve really made some headway in decoding the curse that HAM left, scribbled on the back of a Haribo bag. I think we just need a pair of ridiculously large, diamond earrings to correctly shine light on the text to reveal the answer.”
Grazie to Formula 1 Blog for the link.
These tyres are great! GREAT FOR US TO POOP ON! We are. We’re pooping on your tyres. Really, though, pooping on your tyres is the only thing we do together anymore.
Red Bull has been the most vocal about the manner in which the tires are impacting their performance so far this year but Pirelli motor sport boss, Paul Hembery, says that they see no reason to accomodate just one team:
“If the whole paddock is saying something then that is a bit different,” he said.
“You have to do something and make a change and do something different, but if it is isolated and you work out why their concerns are coming forth, because it is not what they say on the surface it is something deeper than that, and you try and work it out.
“We think we know what it was and what it is, but if you go away and do things for one team you will have the whole paddock in uproar.”
No doubt you can’t favor one team but I doubt Recd Bull are the only team concerned about the tire performance so far. McLaren’s Sergio Perez was also critical of the tires as well. The issue could be in a majority versus minority opinion to prompt Pirelli to re-examine their rubber. The fact is, the Malaysian Gr4and PRix may have been more impacted by driver battles than tires according to Hembery:
“I think we have to be happy,” he said. “The two leading teams clearly had issues between the drivers, that maybe took away from what would have been an interesting finale.
“As for wheel to wheel stuff… it is something we will have to review after four races. It is still very early days.”
That seems a bit of a convenient scape goat if you consider the teams were driving and holding station due to tire degradation and rubber preservation… a catch 22 no doubt. Not to be confused with a Multi 21 though.
Pirelli Translated – “We are thoroughly relishing being the non-existent scapegoat for RBR’s soap opera. The more they bitch about the tyres, the more obvious it becomes that it’s not about the tyres. Gentlemen, you know that drunk neighbor you have? The one that beats his dog because his wife his cheating on him? Hello! You guys are winning. Leave the dog alone. Here’s a tip, RBR: If you guys don’t like the tyres but you continue to go Multi-21 in spite of the tyres and your inter-team emotional dysfunction, NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO BITCH ABOUT THE TYRES! So, um, shut up about the tyres.
Until the tyres turn into big puddles of liquified rubber the moment they hit the track, I doubt anyone else is going to say anything just to drive you crazy.
Good luck at therapy today, guys!”
profanef1 