2014 Spanish Grand Prix GIF Recap

1. Lewis Hamilton

2. Nico Rosberg

3. Daniel Ricciardo

4. Sebastian Vettel

5. Valtteri Bottas

6. Fernando Alonso

7. Kimi Raikkonen

The emotional state Kimi allows the world to see:

Kimi’s true, interior emotional state:

8. Romain Grosjean

9. Sergio Perez

10. Nico Hulkenberg

11. Jenson Button

Reaction GIF: are you kidding me?, NeNe Leakes, Real Housewives of Atlanta

12. Kevin Magnussen
Reaction GIF: what?, no, Hermione Granger, Emma Watson, Harry Potter
13. Felipe Massa
14. Daniil Kyvat
Reaction GIF: sad

 

15. Pastor Maldonado
Reaction GIF: Chris Farley, Tommy Boy

 

16. Adrian Sutil
Reaction GIF: disappointed, Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

 

17. Esteban Gutierrez
Reaction GIF: nope, disappointed, Lamorne Morris, New Girl
18. Jules Bianchi
Reaction GIF: disappointed, Rick Moranis
19. Max Chilton
20. Marcus Ericsson
DNF. Jean-Eric Vergne
DNF. Kamui Kobayashi
Maudit animated GIF

 

 

 

 

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Chinese Grand Prix Post-Race Drivers’ Quotes, Translated

No, Kimi, I don't know where your Enzo-Grappa went.

No, Kimi, I don’t know where your Enzo-Grappa went.

Toro Rosso
Daniil Kvyat, 10th

“It felt great today and I’m very happy with my performance. I had a good start and I managed to make up some positions during the first lap. Our pace was very strong today and I enjoyed the fight with Jenson pretty much throughout the race. We did a good job with the tyre management, so we were able to stay out longer. Even though it all went very well today, I think there’s still a lot more to come from the car, so I’m really looking forward to starting the European part of the season, where I hope to get some more points.”

KVY – ” You guys remember cute, little Anakin from ‘The Phantom Menace’? Y’all had better check my blood for midi-chlorians. I’ll just be back here, whacking out 10th and 9th places, biding my time until Lord Palpati. . . . Seb! I mean, Seb, retires.”

Jean-Eric Vergne, 12th
“First of all, congratulations to Daniil for his good race and another point for him and the team. As for my race, I had a bad start and a bad first lap. We need to understand what happened exactly to improve this aspect. After that, I could not make the best out of the option tyres because I was stuck behind Button, so it was not possible to build a gap and pull away. It was definitely a tough race but we should not have to forget some positive aspects: we had a really good qualifying yesterday, the general pace was not bad and we know exactly the direction to take in order to improve. This is the reason why I’m convinced that we can be stronger in a few weeks’ time in Barcelona.”

JEV – “If anybody needs me, I’ll be in my computer room, updating my resume. I’m going to have ‘Paths of Glory’ on the TV, volume off, and the Leonard Cohen-read audio book of ‘Being and Nothingness’ playing on a sad, old boombox. I’ll be wasted on absinthe and just mashing the keys of the keyboard with my drunken fists but, it’ll be an update!”

Lotus
Romain Grosjean, DNF

“We started by losing fourth gear but it got worse and essentially we lost all gears. It’s the first time we’ve had a problem like this so we’ll have to understand what happened. It had been quite nice in the race as we’d been fighting for ninth position so we were in the points, which is a good improvement from before. We didn’t make it to the end of the race today but let’s hope we finish in the points in Barcelona.”

GRO – “If anybody needs me, I’ll be passed out on JEV’s couch.”

Pastor Maldonado, 14th
“Today wasn’t my best race ever but we finished. My pace wasn’t fantastic but at least we moved forwards and I pushed as hard as I could. We will look at the data as we seemed to lack pace on the straights which made it difficult to overtake and also difficult to defend. It will be nice to have a race weekend without any problems, and that’s what we are all working for when we head to Europe.”

MAL – “Life really is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes I just stare at the chocolates when I should be watching the road. When I hit things, it’s a really great chance to eat all the chocolates.”

Marussia
Jules Bianchi, 17th

“I had a good fight with Kobayashi throughout the race and I’m very happy to be leaving China having finished ahead of him. This was my first straightforward race of the season so far and it is a big relief I have to say. The start was good and I got ahead of Kamui off the line but he regained position quite quickly. I stuck with him until the second stint when with Maldonado between us I dropped back a little but then I caught up again and we continued to enjoy a good battle. When he stopped for a third time for the option tyre we saw the opportunity to manage my tyres and stay out to get ahead. On new option tyres he was catching quite quickly and I had to work really hard to keep in front and not lose the place. Unfortunately, he caught me with only two corners left but in the end we keep the position, so I’m happy and have a good feeling with which to end the first long haul rounds of the season.”

BIA – “Everything is relative.”

Max Chilton, 19th
“It was a tough race but I’m pleased to have passed and kept Ericsson behind me and, of course, to secure my 23rd consecutive finish. The start went well – I got past a couple of cars actually – and the car felt good in that early stint. On the medium tyre I struggled a bit more with the balance and we changed the strategy, before changing back at the end when we pitted for a third time, basically to ensure that we were not going to be subject to a late charge by Ericsson on fresh rubber. A good race and a nice way to head into the start of the European season.”

CHI – “GUYS! GUYS! 23 STRAIGHT! WOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!!!!!! JULES WON’T EVEN TALK TO ME ANYMORE!!!! IT’S OK: HE’S FRENCH! GUYS! THE TYRES! WE HAD TO CHANGE STRATEGY, LIKE, DURING THE RACE!!! IT WAS FUCKING INTENSE!!!!!!! WOOOOO-HOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!

McLaren
Jenson Button, 11th

“It was pretty difficult out there. It felt a little bit like qualifying yesterday: we just couldn’t get the front tyres working – they just grained. We’ve got a few upgrades for the next grand prix, in Barcelona, but they won’t be enough to close our performance gap to the fastest cars. But the guys are doing their best, and a result like this is disappointing for everyone, especially for the mechanics and the guys back at the factory, because they’ve all been working so hard.”

BUT – I’m so fucking depressed, I can’t even work up the energy to use the word ‘reckon’. This is fucked. Even fucking Perez flipping me off is ok: at least it makes me feel something, you know? Someone handed me a dictionary after the race and the page with the word ‘resignation’ on it was bookmarked and next to ‘resignation’, there was a GIF of me, doing this interview; inside that GIF, was another GIF of me, doing this interview; inside that GIF was another GIF of me, doin. . . . . OH GOD SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!” 

Kevin Magnussen, 13th
“It felt like a long race, because there wasn’t much I could do out there. Our car lacks downforce – that’s its main problem. The way it’s set up, and how it feels, has always been positive; it’s just low on grip, that’s all. So, clearly, we need to work as hard as we can to create that missing downforce. I know the guys back in Woking are doing their best, and I have faith that they’ll deliver that downforce before too long.”

MAG – “It did feel long. It felt like fucking forever. Every. Fucking. Lap. Fucking Perez and his sarcastic, pouty-lipped, sad-face laughing at us. Twisting his fists at the sides of his eyes, making the baby crying ‘wah! wah!’ noise and fucking laughing his ass off and driving away in his fucking Force India??!!! Yes: delivering downforce before too long. How long is ‘long’? Fucking eternity. How many more races do we have? 15??!! Fuck.”

Eric Boullier, McLaren racing director
“Our car isn’t competitive enough, we know that, its deficiencies mostly the consequence of insufficient downforce. Furthermore, the Shanghai circuit is front-limited – in other words it punishes lack of front-end grip. That being the case, the fact that we’ve been unable to get sufficient heat into our front tyres in the chilly weather conditions we’ve experienced this weekend has further compromised our performance here. There’s a three-week gap between now and the Spanish Grand Prix, and we’ll work flat-out between now and then in an effort to address our car’s shortcomings. We know what we have to do, and we’ll work night and day to do it.”

Boullier – “I keep having this nightmare where I’m still at Lotus, but it’s not really Lotus, but it’s kind of Lotus.”

Williams
Valtteri Bottas, 7th

“It was a good race for me despite some hard contact at the start which cost me a few positions. I also had to drive the whole race without telemetry which isn’t the easiest thing to do. We made progress over the whole weekend which is good. It’s great to make steps forward and we are looking to do the same in Spain in a three weeks’ time.”

BOT – “I had no telemetry either, Nico. At least I wasn’t a little bitch about it.”

Felipe Massa, 15th
“I had another great start today and we were fighting at the top. I felt some contact with Fernando but luckily the car wasn’t damaged so I could carry on. There was a mistake at the first pitstop and that effectively lost me the race as I came back out on track in last position. It is a frustrating situation and something we need to work on to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. We have time now to work hard and improve the car for Spain.”

MAS – “You know, if Bernie’s gonna do stupid shit like double points for whatever race, could we do some bonus scoring for FUCKING STARTING LIKE A DUDE’S SHOT FROM A CANNON, please? So, to recap: start like a mo-fo; race like a mo-fo; finish like a mo-fo. All we need to work on, then, is GETTING THE FUCKING TIRES ON THE FUCKING CAR FUCKING CORRECTLY. Jesus fucking CHRIST!”

Rob Smedley, Williams head of vehicle performance
“It’s bittersweet really as the car was quick. We had a good strategy and the team worked well together. It’s a real shame for Felipe and the whole team about the pitstop and it is something that we need to investigate to ensure it doesn’t happen again, as it cost us points today. To have one car in the top ten shows that we have the pace and that gives us continued optimism, so we will take the positives forward to Spain.”

Smedley – “We’ve tried praying. We’ve tried group therapy. We’ve tried sacrificing chickens. We’ve tried sacrificing goats. We’ve tried burning incense. We’ve had Felipe stop masturbating. Nothing fucking works. Dude’s cursed. We might as well hire fucking Webber at this point.”

Sauber
Esteban Gutierrez, 16th

“It was a very complicated race in terms of tyre management. With these kind of temperatures the prime tyres were not really working for us. We had to do a three stop strategy, which ended up as a disadvantage for us. With our current pace we could not have higher expectations in terms of our results. I have total faith in my team, everybody is putting their best efforts into everything. I believe that Barcelona is the place where we can recover, make a step forward and fight for better positions and points.”

GUT – “Yeah, if we had run a two-stop, I coulda come in 15th. At least fucking Pastor stayed away from me. The little ‘message’ I had my cabrones send him must’ve worked. Getting a box full of tamales stuffed with human fingers will do that for a guy.”

Adrian Sutil, DNF
“Unfortunately it was a very short race for me. During the formation lap I already had problems. As it was a quite slow formation lap, I was not able to identify what the problem was. I just realised the engine was not working properly. At the start I had almost no power. Going into the first corner I noticed there was a problem with the engine. I lost a lot of positions during the first lap and fell back to last. I did a few more laps, but then went back to the pits. The team tried to solve the issue, but we could not do it quickly. I had to retire. However, I am still positive and looking forward.”

SUT – “Who’s a guy gotta blow to not DNF around here?! Seriously, point out the cock and I’m on that shit. I seriously have to stop hanging out with, um, myself? Fuck.”

Force India
Nico Hulkenberg, 6th

“Finishing in sixth and bringing both cars home in the points again was a very positive result for the team. It was actually a pretty straightforward race for me after we got in front of Massa: I had to manage my tyres, my pace and avoid mistakes, and it only got tricky at the end when Bottas was getting a bit closer. We have beaten all other customer Mercedes cars, which are our main competition at the moment, but we have also seen some other teams up their game so we will need to keep pushing.”

HUL – “Is it appropriate to keep walking past the Ferrari garage and do a little dance where I stick my ass way out and point at it and sing, ‘You coulda had this assss! Yooouuu coulddaaaa had this asssss. But you don’t! No, no, you dooon’t!’? I do that until Kimi starts whipping vodka bottles at me. It’s awesome.”

Sergio Perez, 9th
“To start from P16 and finish in ninth place is a good recovery after a difficult qualifying session yesterday. I made a good start and after that I just focused on making the two-stop strategy work. I think everybody suffered with tyre graining and I picked up a few flat spots, but we still made it work. It was not easy to overtake today, even the cars on a different strategy, so I think ninth place was the maximum. It means I’ve scored points in three out of four races, but I was hoping for more today after the weekend we had in Bahrain. It’s also clear that all the teams around us are finding pace so we have to keep working hard to be ready for Barcelona.”

PER – “Oh my god, my hands are fucking killing me from flipping off McLaren so much. I think I’m just going to have some gloves made that have the middle finger up all the time ’cause, seriously: all you fuckers can fuck the hell off. Force India is owning all your asses!” 

Red Bull
Daniel Ricciardo, 4th

“I started on the dirty side of the grid and had quite a poor getaway; I was spinning up on the line a bit too long and lost the two places. From then on however, I thought the race was good! With Seb, we were racing and you always want to hold on to your position, but the team radioed and he let me through. I did what I could after each stop and we improved the car; at the end I was doing all I could to catch Alonso and I think we got to within a couple of seconds of him as we went over the line. It’s going well with the team, I feel comfortable here and I did the best I could today. I really want that podium and we’re getting close!”

RIC – “What people don’t know is that I never stop smiling like this. Nev-VER. ‘Sure, Seb!’, I say. And I smile. ‘Right away, Seb!’, I say. And I smile. Now I just smile and kind of glance at Seb and he brings me a coffee. ‘Thanks Seb!’ I smile and he asks me if I want anything else. When he was all ‘Tough luck’ on the radio, I knew he could picture me smiling that smile inside my helmet. 30 seconds later, he pulls over to let me by. Nobody saw this, but he also stopped and brewed me some coffee. I like smiling.”

Sebastian Vettel, 5th (Fixed that typo for you, formula1.com. You’re welcome)
“I moved over for Daniel once I knew that we were on different strategies. When I was first asked, I didn’t understand as we were on the same tyre, unlike in Bahrain, so I double checked. When the team said we were on a different strategy, I moved over and then, as the race went on, I saw more and more that I didn’t have the pace. There was no point in holding Dan back. I’m not yet where I want to be with the car, but it’s an on-going process; hopefully at the next few races we will make some more steps in the right direction. Our weakness isn’t in the corners, but on the straights. The first stint today was okay but after that I’m not sure what happened.”

VET- “Has anyone seen Daniel? Does he want coffee? I have this coffee for him.”

Mercedes
Lewis Hamilton, 1st

“The team have done an amazing job and all the hard work both here and at the factory is really paying off at the moment. This car is just unbelievable; in the final laps, I was pushing a little bit more to keep up the tyre temperatures and it just felt great to drive. I’m so, so happy today. We had to make a lot of changes after P2 in terms of the set-up of the car but after it rained on Saturday, we didn’t know exactly how it would go today. There was a lot of hard work done, sitting down with the engineers so that we didn’t guess anything and just made the right steps in anticipation for today. I really want to give a big shout-out to the team in Brackley and Brixworth for embracing me last year, for building this amazing car and engine and for continuously pushing forward with so much positive energy in 2014. We are definitely on a roll right now; I’m working hard, the team is working hard and we just want to improve even further when we get back to Europe.”

HAM – “I just wish everyone could feel how I feel right now. It’s so awesome. It’s really too bad that you can’t, you know, be me right now, because being me right now is so totally awesome. I love that everything is going great for the team as a by-product of everything going awesomely for me. I love helping people and the team. Especially when it’s me, helping, so awesomely. Not too much longer and I should be able to heal people just by laying hands on them. Hashtag Bless.” 

Nico Rosberg, 2nd
“That was not a perfect weekend for me. Too many things went wrong, beginning with a technical problem and a less than perfect job from me in qualifying. Today I didn’t have any telemetry, so there was no communication from the car to the pits. My engineers couldn’t see what was going on in my car and therefore they couldn’t set up my clutch for the start. The clutch was completely on the wrong place, which is why I had a really bad start. I had some contact with Bottas in Turn 1 and I thought that was it. Luckily my car wasn’t damaged and in the following laps the pace in the car seemed good, which meant I was able to climb some positions. To finish second in the end, on a weekend of damage limitation, is great. I collected some important points again, which makes me happy. It’s great to go back to Europe with the lead in the Championship. In Barcelona, the aim will be to have a normal weekend and be back in first place. It was again an amazing team result and the whole team can be very proud. Congratulations to Lewis on a fantastic weekend.”

ROS – “How long can you talk between gritted teeth, like, really gritted, until it’s, like, bad for you? Is it bad that I can hear my teeth cracking under the pressure of fake-smiling for Hammy? Fucker keeps coming up to me and putting his hands on me, closing his eyes and yelling, ‘HEAL-DUH!’ and then asking if I feel faster. Yeah, in Barcelona, I hope we have a normal weekend. And by ‘normal’, I mean, ME fucking WINNING the fucking race! That’s what’s normal! Gah!”

Ferrari

Fernando Alonso, 3rd
“After a difficult start to the season, this podium is a confidence boost for the whole team, providing extra motivation for all those who are doing their best to close the gap to the front. And I think this podium should be dedicated to Stefano, as everything we do up to July will also be the result of his efforts. We have definitely made a step forward, because compared to two weeks ago, we have partly closed the gap to the leaders, but we are well aware there’s still a long way to go and we have to keep our feet on the ground. In general, this has been a good weekend for me, as everything went well right from Friday, although the rain made qualifying more complicated than expected. I was on the limit all race long and I really don’t think I could have done any more. This is quite a unique track of its kind and now we must make the most of the long break before the next race to prepare as well as possible for whatever situation arises.”

ALO – “I heard the cries of my people: ‘Alonso! Alonso! You must do better so that Dasha is on our TV screens!’ So I said, ‘Fuck this car and fuck whomever you fire or don’t fire: fire everybody! Give me a Marussia! For you, my people who need pictures of Dasha on your TV, I will win! I. Will. Win.’ So I slammed, like, this big tumbler full of Enzo-Grappa and, hey, what can I say? Third: this car’s a piece of shit. Yo, nobody tell Mattiacci about the Enzo-Grappa! There’s barely enough for Kimi and I as it is!”

Kimi Raikkonen, 8th
“This has been a really difficult weekend. Right from Friday morning, I suffered with problems that we didn’t manage to solve completely and today in the race, I couldn’t get the result I wanted. The start was good, I made up two places but then I couldn’t make up any more ground, as I just didn’t have the pace, nor much grip at the front or the back. In the final stint on new tyres, the car handled better, but then, as the tyres degraded the situation got complicated again. I think the difficulties I encountered here stem from a combination of various factors, from my driving style combined with the low temperatures and the characteristics of the track. Today, we brought home valuable points thanks to the intense efforts of the whole team and now we will continue to work ceaselessly to improve. Fernando’s result is very encouraging and proves we are moving in the right direction.”

RAI – “I think ‘Nando switched out my Enzo-Grappa/vodka cocktail with all-vodka, which is fine, but daddy needs his Enzo-Grappa just will this car into the points. Of course, one arm is pretty sore from throwing all those vodka bottles at The Hulk. That couldn’t have helped shit. Fuck, maybe we just need to fire some more people.”

Caterham

Kamui Kobayashi, 18th
“Finishing 18th isn’t the final position we’d want, but after a really good battle with Jules I’m relatively pleased with how today’s race went. However, it’s a real shame that my move on him on the last lap now doesn’t count. We stuck to the original three stop strategy and that gave us a few interesting moments, particularly with Vettel who I was told I could pass as he was fuel saving and on old tyres and I was on new softs on the third stint. I hear he wasn’t too pleased about that but relative to him I had the pace then to immediately pull away and did so to avoid compromising our plan. Even though we had good race with Maldonado for the first third of the race it’s clear we don’t have the outright pace to fight Lotus or Sauber yet, but we have a good package coming for Spain and we are determined to try and close the gap. The first four races have been hard, but having both cars finish today shows the progress we and Renault have made with reliability. Now we have to build on that and use the next couple of weeks to recharge ourselves so we can come back stronger in Barcelona.”

Marcus Ericsson, 20th
“For me the whole race was dominated by understeer. On every set of tyres the balance just wasn’t there and that meant I couldn’t really push at all. It’s good that we got to the end of the race, but if I hadn’t had that understeer I’m sure I’d have been quicker. I just couldn’t push any more than I was. It was the same for the third and fourth stints which we did on softs but by that point I was pretty much on my own so just focused on getting to the end of the race. This is obviously the last of the early season flyaways and when we start the European season in Spain it’ll be back at a track I know really well. As a rookie that’s obviously good for me and with the amount of time I’ll be in the factory and in the simulator between now and then, and with the new parts we have coming in Barcelona, I’m sure we’ll come back stronger there and ready to make progress there and in the next few races.”

KOB and ERI – “What we like to do, between races, is go riding busses and then we like to talk to the people who sit next to us about all the things that happen to us and all the things that we see and all the things that some of our cousins do. Some of our cousins have friends and they do things and see things and things happen to them, too, so we talk to the people who sit next to us on the busses about those things, too. Sometimes we see dogs or other animals that are funny looking or doing funny things or surprising things. We see them in real life or on the internet and we tell the people sitting next to us about those things until those people find somewhere else to sit or start pulling on the ‘stop’ rope and shouting, ‘This is my stop! This is my stop!’. Then, someone else sits down where that person was sitting and we tell our new friend, sitting next to us, about all the things we see and do and that’s how we practice for these post-race interviews.”

2014 Chinese Grand Prix GIF Analysis

Lewis Hamilton

Nico Rosberg

 

Fernando Alonso

(Also, very happy for ‘Nando, because, when he podiums, we get more shots of Dasha.)

 

Daniel Ricciardo

Reaction GIF: thumbs up, Mike Myers, Wayne's World

 Sebastian Vettel

Reaction GIF: angry, Alan Rickman

 Nico Hulkenberg

Reaction GIF: thumbs up, smile

 Valtteri Bottas

Reaction GIF: right, flirting, wrestling

 Kimi Raikkonen

Reaction GIF: okay, don't care, Rob Lowe, Tommy Boy

Reaction GIF: okay, Christopher Eccleston, Doctor Who

Sergio Perez

Reaction GIF: thumbs up, Neil Patrick Harris

 Daniil Kvyat

Reaction GIF: fuck yeah, Emilio Estevez, Breakfast Club

 Jenson Button

Reaction GIF: contemplating, Star Trek

Reaction GIF: contemplating, what?, Jensen Ackles, Dean Winchester, Supernatural

Reaction GIF: throw up, disgust, Team America

 Jean-Eric Vergne

Reaction GIF: nope, Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

Kevin Magnussen
Reaction GIF: gag, disgust, Jim Carrey, Liar Liar

Reaction GIF: disgust, Britney Spears

 

Pastor Maldonado

Reaction GIF: hi, Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump

Reaction GIF: oops, Kevin Malone, Brian Baumgartner, The Office
Felipe Massa
Reaction GIF: nope, SpongeBob SquarePants

 

Esteban Gutierrez
Reaction GIF: rain, stare

 

Jules Bianchi
Reaction GIF: no, Ryan Gosling
Kamui Kobayashi
Reaction GIF: hi, uncomfortable, Patrick Stewart, Star Trek
Max Chilton
Reaction GIF: smile, Elijah Wood, The Lord of the Rings
Marcus Ericsson
Reaction GIF: oh you, disappointed
Romain Grosjean
Reaction GIF: help, Aubrey Plaza, Parks and Recreation

 Adrian Sutil

Reaction GIF: nope, Conan O'Brien, Conan

2014 Bahrain Grand Prix in GIFs

Lewis Hamilton

Reaction GIF: fuck yeah, Brent Spiner, Star Trek
Nico Rosberg
Reaction GIF: angry, Rowan Atkinson
Reaction GIF: clapping, not impressed, not funny, Peter Dinklage

 

Sergio Perez
Reaction GIF: excited, dance, Christian Bale, American Psycho
Reaction GIF: fuck yeah, scream, Raymond Cruz, Breaking Bad

With a special memo to McLaren from Sergio:

Reaction GIF: fuck you

 

Daniel Ricciardo
Reaction GIF: thumbs up, Paul Rudd, Our Idiot Brother

 

Nico Hulkenburg
Reaction GIF: thumbs up, oh you, Simon Pegg

 

Sebastian Vettel
Reaction GIF: wink, Milana Vayntrub

 

Felipe Massa

The Start:

Reaction GIF: fuck yeah
The rest of the race:
Reaction GIF: angry, Ari Gold, Entourage
Valtteri Bottas
Reaction GIF: confused, nod, agreeing

 

Fernando Alonso
Reaction GIF: Clint Eastwood, disgust, Gran Torino
Kimi Raikkonen
Reaction GIF: no, disappointed, Jonathan Banks, Mike Ehrmantraut, Breaking Bad
Daniil Kvyat
Reaction GIF: uncomfortable, Andy Samberg

 

Romain Grosjean
Reaction GIF: bored, not funny, eye roll, Girls' Generation
Max Chilton
Reaction GIF: clapping, Alison Brie
Pastor Maldonado
Reaction GIF: what the fuck?, Dirch Passer
Reaction GIF: nope, what the fuck?

Reaction GIF: what the fuck?

Kamui Kobayashi
Reaction GIF: thumbs up, Hugh Laurie, House

 

Jules Bianchi
Reaction GIF: facepalm, are you kidding me?, Edward Norton, Rounders
Jenson Button
Reaction GIF: what?, confused, Jennifer Lawrence

 

Kevin Magnussen
Reaction GIF: angry, scream, bullshit, Jim Carrey, Liar Liar

 

Esteban Gutierrez
Reaction GIF: what?, horrified, crazy

 

Adrian Sutil
Reaction GIF: facepalm, Michael Dorn, Worf, Star Trek

 

Jean-Eric Vergne
Reaction GIF: facepalm, Ryan Reynolds

 

Marcus Ericsson
Reaction GIF: stare, David Herman, Office Space

2014 Bahrain Grand Prix Post-Race Drivers’ Quotes, Translated

Here we see Lewis Hamilton practicing his “Humble/So Sorry, Nico/We’re all on the same team, right?” face

Red Bull
Daniel Ricciardo, 4th

“It was an awesome race; it was exciting. I think the first stint was a bit follow-the-leader, but from the second stint onwards, the race really started to turn up the heat and there were more battles going on in front and behind – it was good to be a part of them. We got close to the podium today, I think within half a second, so I was doing all I could. The car came to me as the race went on and I was happy with how I moved up through the pack, so a good day. It was good fun to race Sebastian, it was hard but fair and we left each other room. That’s what we want from each other and we discussed it beforehand, we’re racers and that’s what we enjoy doing.”

RIC – “We discussed our strategy beforehand, yep. Of course, like always, VetBot2000 ‘discussed’ while staring, unblinkingly, at me very intently while sharpening a straight razor on a strap. It was a good discussion.”

Sebastian Vettel, 6th
“I think it was a busy race today, especially at the end after the safety car, but it’s a shame we couldn’t get further up. Daniel proved that there was a little bit more to get from the car today, I couldn’t really get to that bit, so I’m not so happy with my day. For some reason we seemed to be really slow on the straights, and not just against the Mercedes. Mercedes has a stronger package, so there’s work ahead of us. It was straight forward with Daniel today, we worked well together as a team and we raced well, but surely I would like to have finished higher up.”

VET – “Man, it is freaky running with the hoi-palloi, here, in the media pit. I’m in the media pit, smelling Maldonado’s flop-sweat and fucking Perez is on the podium!? Marko! Marko! Where the fuck is Marko?! Marko? Help?”

Toro Rosso

Daniil Kvyat, 11th
“Unfortunately today didn’t go as I would have liked. I was not happy with our pace and it was frustrating to see the other cars just passing me by. The start was a little bit messy and I lost a position. From then on I tried to push as much as possible, but it wasn’t enough to get into the points today. We will now have to analyze carefully what went wrong today and hopefully we will come back stronger at the next race in China.”

KVY – “I may be 19; I may be a rookie; I may be here primarily because Petra has a giant house payment to make, but I’m no dumbass: Those fucking Ice Dragons were flying around Kimi’s car ahead of me, looking all threatening, breathing icy blue fire and I thought to myself: ‘You know, 11th is fine today. 11th is juuuust fine.'”

Jean-Eric Vergne, DNF
“It was a bit of a mess at the start in Turn 8 with a lot of cars around me, but while the others were having a poor exit I had a clean one on the outside. When I then found myself next to a Lotus, I got squeezed more and more and when he realised I was about to overtake him anyway, he just closed the door. That is why our wheels touched and my car took off, out of control. Both rear wing and floor got heavily damaged with a huge loss of aero performance and it was just not possible to continue my race. Hopefully bad luck will leave us alone for the next races.”

JEV – “Yeah, this is a little bit of a let down, this, being bitten by the black widow that is Lotus F1. It’s a total bummer after deciding to go ahead and have that special surgery that strips all the flesh and everything from your body. So, um, yeah, basically, my fire suit kind of holds all my organs and muscles in place and then there’s my skeleton, which I had mostly replaced with leftover carbon fiber from last year’s car .. . so, yeah, having fucking Lotus assholes knock my spleen out, I mean, my “front wing” was kind of a bitch.”

McLaren
Jenson Button, 17th

“In terms of pace, we took a step forward this weekend. Moreover, our degradation was positive and I think we did a very good job understanding our tyres. Only one team were demonstrably quicker than us today – Mercedes – but sadly they were a lot quicker than us. Having said that, our long-run pace was very good, especially over the last few laps, so I reckon we could have raced very hard to the finish on the primes. But unfortunately I didn’t get that opportunity.

“It’s tough for all the team, because they all worked really well and really hard. We were set for fifth place at worst and a podium finish at best, and that would have been a very positive outcome for all of us. In summary, then, there was lots of good racing out there – I can’t even remember how many cars I overtook but it was quite a lot – and I think it was the same for almost everyone out there. I really enjoyed it, in fact.

“Formula One may have new power units and technical regulations this year, but it’s clearly every bit as good as it ever was in terms of on-track spectacle.”

BUT – “Do you reckon that if I use the word ‘reckon’ in every post-qualy and post-race quote that no one will notice all the blood coming out of my even-my-ears-are-cute ears because doing the British thing and not FUCKING freaking out about this FUCKING piece of SHIT car?! Fucking Perez fucking flipping me the double-bird every time he went by?! If anybody needs me, I’ll be cry-eating a ten-liter bucket of scotch eggs and lovingly stroking a picture of Ross. Oh, Ross.”

Kevin Magnussen, DNF
“That wasn’t a great race for me. The start wasn’t ideal – I lost three positions – and after that we just didn’t have enough pace to make progress towards the front. We’d been expecting that the colder conditions might help us, but, as things panned out, we were actually a little less strong here than we were in Malaysia, for some reason.

“We’ll analyse that carefully, and I’m sure we’ll learn from it. We’re learning all the time, in fact. It’s disappointing that we didn’t score points today – two DNFs is never pleasant for any team – but we’ll approach the Chinese Grand Prix with the aim of doing quite a bit better than we did here in Bahrain.”

MAG – “Can somebody get me Perez’s Uncle’s phone number? I heard he has a used Estrella de Oro bus we could drop a PU106A into that’ll probably do better than this POS chassis: ’cause you know the problem ain’t the fucking engine. At least, in the bus, I could watch movies while everyone passes my slow ass.”

 

Eric Boullier, McLaren racing director
“Well, it goes without saying that we’re leaving Bahrain bitterly disappointed. We didn’t have the fastest car this weekend, we know that, but, had our cars not both been afflicted with clutch problems towards the end of the race, triggering their retirements, at least we’d have been leaving with some more championship points on the scoreboard.

“In fact, had Jenson’s car run reliably to the flag, there’s every chance that he’d have been fighting for fifth, fourth or potentially even third place. Granted, minor placings aren’t what McLaren is all about – on the contrary we exist to win – but a third-, fourth- or fifth-place finish would have been extremely welcome in terms of our achieving what we’d set out to accomplish in these early-in-the-season fly-away races: namely, steadily pick up championship points while we develop our car’s performance envelope for the beginning of the European season in Barcelona.

“Anyway, from here we’ll go back to Woking, where we’ll work as hard as we possibly can to improve our cars for Shanghai, where we’ll be hoping to put up a significantly better showing than we did here in Sakhir this evening.”

Boullier – “Fucking deja vu all over again. Fuck.”

Williams
Felipe Massa, 7th

“The start was fantastic, I did everything right and I had good grip and it all went well. We were in a good position and fighting but sadly the tyre degradation was worse than we expected. The safety car didn’t help the strategy as I think we should have been up with the Force Indias rather than behind the Red Bulls so that is a shame. Other than that it was a good race, with some good battles and to finish with both cars in the points is really positive.”

MAS – “Memo to Mark Weber: That’s how you start a race, muthafucka!! Oh my God, that shit felt good. I was doing a little dance in my seat, singing, ‘Seems like funky days are black again!’ and I could see Hammy, see him. After that it was all Springsteen: “I had a friend who was a fast race car driver, then he got hit in the head with a spring.” I hate that fucking song. really, though, I blame the goddamned sanitized livery. In China, when we get the ‘Martini’ back on there, watch out, um. . . . I guess, Bottas!”

Valtteri Bottas, 8th
“After a poor start our race strategy was compromised. I had too much wheelspin and that lost me a few positions which is frustrating. We had issues with the tyres that were worse than expected but on a positive note we got some good points from both cars. We always want more though, so we will continue to work hard and look forward to the next race.”

BOT – “Yeah, I had too much wheel spin! Because I kept slamming the pedal to the metal because the fuck if I was going to let Massa get away with shit after last week. Then he goes un-fucking-conscious at the start and now I’m really freaking out and the ‘racing’ livery is bullshit; so, yeah: wheel spin. I had to call on all the powers of my Finnish Gods of Stoicism to remain calm. I think, later, I have to go sacrifice a goat or something, to pay them back. I can’t remember. I gotta look it up, or try ask Kimi. I don’t think he’s really in a talking mood right now, though.”

Caterham
Kamui Kobayashi, 15th

“I had an okay start but had an issue on lap one with a setting that gives us full boost and energy release – we sorted that out quickly and I passed Marcus [Ericsson] for 18th, then went after [Jules] Bianchi who I caught and passed on lap 10.

“My race pace was good in the first stint and the tyre deg was what we’d expected so we stuck to the strategy and boxed for the first time on lap 15 for another set of options. I came out behind Marcus and [Max] Chilton but got in front of them both and went after [Pastor] Maldonado in 16th but with the performance level of the car now I wasn’t able to catch him.

“We were on a two stop strategy so we came in for the mediums on lap 35. I was fighting with Gutierrez but let him go as he was on a different strategy and there wasn’t any point ruining that set of tyres just to race him, but then the safety car came out and I was able to make up the lap and was up with Maldonado and [Romain] Grosjean just as the safety car came in.

“After the restart I had to save fuel so couldn’t keep pace with the pack and that was pretty much the end of my race. Finishing 15th isn’t great but we really couldn’t do any more today. We’ll have to regroup for China and with a few updates we have for that race we’ll aim to make progress there.”

KOB – “Do you ever get the idea that I’m not paying any attention to actually fucking racing?”

Marcus Ericsson, DNF
“My start was good and I was up to 17th by the end of lap three, fighting with Grosjean and then went after Bianchi. The car balance really didn’t feel great and Kamui had better pace than me in the first few laps plus my tyre deg wasn’t great so we made our first stop on lap 11 at the same time as Chilton – the guys did a good job and I came back out still ahead of him at the start of the second stint.

“The car still didn’t feel great on the second set of tyres and I couldn’t hold back the Marussia or Kamui who was on a different strategy to me. I kept pushing up to the second stop on lap 26 when we went onto the third set of options and came out ahead of the Marussia again but then after a few more laps I lost power and was told to stop the car because we had an oil leak.

“It’s obviously disappointing not to be able to finish the race, especially as the car was feeling much better as the fuel level dropped. Still, for me it’s another part of the learning process and with every lap I’m racing my education continues. Now we have a couple more days of testing in Bahrain and then it’s off to China for another new track for me. We’ll have some new parts there so we’ll work on optimising them with setup and come back fighting in Shanghai.”

ERI – “Another thing that Kamui and I talk about on the radio while we’re racing is how it’s weird that Kevin and I both have two ‘s’ in our names and so people keep getting us confused. I was telling Kamui, via Gchat, during the race, when that does happen, I like to tell people, ‘Ok, this is how you can tell us apart: his name ends with ‘en’ and mine ends with ‘on’!’ Hah! That one always cracks me up. Kammy (I call him ‘Kammy’. We both drive green cars) Kammy just has the BEST emoticons, I guess ’cause he’s Japanese. They love that shit. Was there a race today?”

Force India
Sergio Perez, 3rd

“This podium is an amazing achievement and one of the most special results in my whole career. This is a massive confidence boost, especially after the very hard season I had last year, and it was the hardest-fought podium I ever had. It was an amazing feeling to cross the line because the last few laps were very difficult. I had to keep up the pace and I knew the Red Bulls were coming. In the end we managed to stay ahead and score this very special result in only my third race with the team. I also had a great fight with my teammate during the whole race. When he got ahead of me after the first stop, I tried to keep my head down to get back ahead. I managed to do that when we were fighting with the Williams and that was the crucial moment.”

PER – “Oh my god! I think my arms and my hands are going to fall off, they’re so fucking tired from fucking flipping off every last asshole at McLaren every time I see them. I don’t give a shit where I am on the track: if you drive a black car with one pathetic ad on your livery, you’re getting the bird. Fucking forget about my arms! I’ve got goddamn blisters on my knees from driving with my legs so I can flip all these pendejos back the stone age which, I think it where they got the design for their car: off some rock paintings. Fucking assholes. I AM KICKING YOUR ASSES IN A FUCKING FORCE INDIA CAR, BIIITCHEEEEZZZZZZ!”

Nico Hulkenberg, 5th
“It’s a great day for the team and I’m very happy for the guys. The battle with Checo was very clean and fair, and when you’re fighting for the podium you give everything but always stay within the lines. It was good fun. The end of the race was hard because I had to battle from the moment the safety car came in until the end of the race. I was behind Checo and I felt I had a little more pace, but I was in dirty air and that caused me to struggle towards the end. I held back Ricciardo for as long as I could and I managed to stay ahead of Vettel. It’s a great achievement for the team and we’ve shown once again that we are competitive so hopefully we can keep up the momentum in China.”

HUL – “I watched the awesome segment that Matchett did on dirty air and I’m just going to use that as an excuse for just about everything now.”

Vijay Mallya, Force India team principal
“Today is one of the greatest days in the history of our team. It’s been a long time coming, but it’s very satisfying to see Sahara Force India back on the podium after so many near misses in recent years. We have a great driver line-up and today we saw both Checo and Nico at their best as they battled for a place on the podium. Without the safety car our two-stop strategies would have been much more comfortable because we faced a strong assault from the Red Bulls in the closing stages. Nico did a fantastic job to keep them back for so long and hold on to fifth place. It gave Checo the breathing space he needed to secure third place. So I’m extremely proud of everyone in the team and congratulate all of them on this achievement. 2014 is a new chance and we have shown we’re moving forward in Australia, Malaysia and here. I couldn’t be happier.”

Mallya – “Thank you, Renault, for laying the most gigantic of F1 turds. Thank you so much.”

Sauber
Esteban Gutierrez, DNF

“First of all, the most important is that I am okay. They did all the checks at the hospital and everything is fine. Concerning the accident, I was completely surprised that Pastor (Maldonado), who came out of the pits, ran into me. I was clearly in front of him. I turned into the corner and I was suddenly hit and I rolled over. There was nothing much I could do.”

GUT – “I’ve got some homies in El Norte, some bad-ass cabrones, enforcers in the fucking trenches of narco-tepotzlan and they are going to fucking show Maldonado what happens you have to sling drogas to The States for your millions and your goddamn money doesn’t just come bubbling up out of the ground. Cuidate, motherfucker. Cuidate.”

Adrian Sutil, DNF
“My race was over quite early. Jules (Bianchi) braked too late and went into my car in the hairpin. I was not able to do anything to prevent it, and my car was damaged. He was driving aggressively for the whole race and pushed me off at the start. With his move he destroyed mine as well as his own race. It was unnecessary. In general, the weekend was difficult for us. However, I wanted to finish the race to cover more kilometres and also to gain experience with the car. The next race in China will come soon, so it can only be better.”

SUT – “CAN SOMEBODY JUST HIT CHILTON FOR ONCE AND NOT ME!? PLEASE? GOD!!!! US BACK MARKERS ARE SUPPOSED TO STICK TOGETHER, I THOUGHT!! GOOOOOOODDDD-DAH!!!!”

Ferrari
Fernando Alonso, 9th

“Today’s race was complicated for us, even if we knew what to expect because, with its long straights, this track shows up our weak points. The team did a super job and sorted the problem I had yesterday in the final part of qualifying and the start and strategy were perfect. The Safety Car helped us make up a bit of ground on the cars ahead of us and also allowed us to save fuel, but it was not enough to change the result, with eight cars ahead of us doing a better job. Although we did all we could, we can’t be happy with our level of performance and now our sole focus must be on working day and night. The season is in its early stages and I think we can stage a recovery. We have the resources and the potential to do it and it’s all down to us. Next week will be very important as we get back on track on Tuesday and Wednesday to test in preparation for the upcoming races. We have got a very aggressive programme, which we need as our rivals will not just be sitting back and watching.”

ALO – “A couple more races like this and I’m gonna have to lock up all my katanas. I’m losing sleep because I can hear them calling to me, begging me to use them to perform hara-kiri. Actually, fuck that: I should take my finest katana and fucking drive it right into the heart of this piece of shit car. Yep: A couple of shots of Enzo-Grappa and I’m going to stab the shit out of this car.”

Kimi Raikkonen, 10th
“I am very disappointed with today’s result, because after how qualifying went, I expected to do better. I didn’t get a good start and immediately lost some places. On the first lap, I was hit by Magnussen, luckily without it doing any damage, but trying to move up the order at this point was very difficult, because the lack of aero downforce and speed on the straight meant overtaking was complicated. We knew this track was less suited to the characteristics of our car than the first two and that the Mercedes would be very quick. Overall, the handling of our car has generally improved compared to the first races and this makes me confident for the upcoming ones. We can expect a lot of work to do and we will make the most of the test days to try and improve already in time for the next race in China.”

RAI – “Unless they can figure out a way to fuel this car with Enzo-Grappa or fucking dip the whole car in Enzo-Grappa, I’m going back to an all-vodka diet and, by ‘all-vodka diet’ I mean I’m going to dump all my vodka all over this car, the garage, anything red and I’m going to light the whole motherfucker up with a money-log from my money-heated hot tub. And I will laugh (silent, Finnish, to myself, very quietly, laughter) as it all goes up in flames.”

Stefano Domenicali, Ferrari team principal
“This race provided an epilogue to a weekend which turned out to be as difficult as we had thought it would be, even before arriving in Bahrain. This circuit is particularly tough for our car and Sakhir’s technical characteristics showed up the gaps in our performance. Now, we must forget this race and look ahead, because I don’t like seeing our drivers fighting hard everywhere and then being unable to attack or defend on the straights. We’ve got an important test ahead of us now, when I expect to see an initial step up in terms of quality. The team must not get downhearted, even if things have not turned out the way they should so far. They must continue to work in order to step up a gear as quickly as possible.”

Domenicali – “We are fucked.”

Marussia
Max Chilton, 13th

“Yesterday’s qualifying didn’t go so well but I knew today’s race was going to be a lot closer. I didn’t get a very good start but through the course of the race I managed the tyres well, while still having a good race with the Caterhams. The safety car helped us out as I don’t think we had to fuel save as much as the others, once we had unlapped ourselves. All in all it’s great to be leaving Bahrain with 13th place and having finished every single race of my F1 career so far – 22 out of 22 now! Most important of all, it’s a nice feeling to have helped us back into 10th position in the constructors’ championship standings. Bring on China!”

CHI – “WOOOO-HOOOOOO! HASN’T ANYBODY FIGURED IT OUT YET? WOOOO-HOOOOO! THE KEY TO LIFE IS TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MALDONADO!!!! WOOOOO-HOOOOOOO!!! SO HAPPY TO BE HERE!!!!!! BRRRRINNNNG IT-TAHHHH!!!!!!”

Jules Bianchi, 16th
“I’m really disappointed after another tough race for me; the third one in a row. I got a good start and made up three places by the end of the first lap and I was having a really good first stint, enjoying a good race with Sutil. I had the chance to get ahead of him and I was slightly ahead going into Turn 1, but he turned in on me and crashed into me, which punctured my left rear. I pitted but after that the car never felt the same and we can see now that the floor was damaged, which resulted in a loss of downforce and made the car difficult to drive for the rest of the race.”

BIA – “Coulda been 15th. Even 14th! Seriously though, can’t someone do something about Max?”

John Booth, Marussia team principal
“After a disappointing outing in Malaysia last weekend, where unfortunately we allowed 10th place in the constructors’ championship to slip through our grasp, it’s fantastic to regain the position again so quickly. Our performance today was no accident; it was the product of a lot of hard work by the factory in a very short space of time, coupled with the efforts of the trackside crew. Max had a tough start to the race and was stuck behind Ericsson for several laps but we re-optimised his ERS, which enabled him to overtake the Caterham. As a result of Kobayashi emerging just in front of Max after his second pit stop, at this point we opted to switch Max to a two-stop strategy to run to the end. The late safety car enabled us to put Max onto a fresh set of option tyres and he was able to pass Kobayashi at the restart. From there he comfortably pulled away and was able to stay in front of Maldonado, whilst also managing his fuel to the end of the race. Jules enjoyed a fantastic start to the race and after his first pit stop he was in a good battle with the Sauber of Sutil in which he was clearly quicker and trying to overtake. What happened next was unfortunate and that was effectively the end of Jules’ ability to race, however the fact that he was able to make it to the chequered flag gives him his first classified finish and provides the team with more valuable data. We’ve made a lot of progress this weekend and the test will give us the chance to improve the car further.”

Booth – “Data collection. That’s the business we’re in! Data for sale! Anybody want some Marussia Data? Data for sale!”

Mercedes
Lewis Hamilton, 1st

“What an incredible day. That was a really tough race tonight and I am absolutely delighted to have come home with the win. It’s a long time since I had a race like that! My weekend started off well but I didn’t really have great pace for qualifying and the race. I knew that I needed a good start and to go into the first corner in the lead was crucial to my race this evening. From there, it was such a battle. Nico drove fantastically well and, in all honesty, he had the pace on me today but I managed to hold on. I knew when the safety car came out that Nico would be on the option tyres and that he would be quick. To try and stay ahead of him was so hard and when I came across the line I was just so relieved. When you’re racing your team mate, the pressure is really intense and we both knew that we had to bring the cars home for the team and for the championship. All credit to the team for allowing us to race and I hope the fans loved the show that we were able to put on tonight. A big thank you to the team, especially to my engineers for all the information they were giving me during the race, and to everyone here and back at the factories for all their hard work. Another one-two is just fantastic for us. I’m also very proud to have joined Fangio with 24 Grand Prix wins today, he’s one of the great racers of all time so that’s a real honour.”

HAM – “Quite a sight to behold when someone as insufferable as I am attempts to appear diplomatic when, inside my head, I just want to start screaming about how I fucking rule and waggling my dick in everyone’s faces, isn’t it? After all, I have the power of God on my side. . . I think. Hashtag Bless.”

Nico Rosberg, 2nd
“It was a great battle out there this evening with Lewis and this kind of race is exactly why I am in Formula One; I love to race like today. Of course, it’s very disappointing to have finished second in the end but I gave it everything and it just didn’t quite come off for me. Lewis did a great job defending his position and, so often when I did manage to get past, I then couldn’t see him in the blind spot in my mirrors. Our strategy was good and to change it after the first stint was a decision that I made with the team. It was a slightly slower strategy but it gave me the best chance of catching Lewis at the end on the option tyres. The difference between the prime and the option was not as big as we expected however and that’s why I didn’t quite manage to get by. The positive must be that this was a great day for Formula One. The race was a fantastic show and hopefully it proves that the critics of our new technology are wrong. I can’t wait for China now and I want to end up on the top step there.”

ROS – “You think you’ve had cases of blue balls?! You have no fucking idea! GAH!!!”

Toto Wolff, Mercedes team executive director
“It has been a fantastic weekend for the team from start to finish. To have led every session with both cars is a real achievement and we can be very proud of the combined effort of our staff at Brackley, Brixworth and Stuttgart. The race was quite simply brilliant to watch, with battles throughout the field. Lewis and Nico drove with a great deal of maturity and respect for both each other and the team but still put on a great show. What we saw today was two drivers at the peak of their abilities fighting fair and square for victory. This is what we go racing for and it was a strong advert for the sport: in particular under these new regulations. With the result last week in Malaysia mirrored here tonight, we now find ourselves in a strong position in both Championships. We are under no illusions, however, that this is a given. We must take these moments and use them as inspiration in the on-going push to achieve our goals.”

Paddy Lowe, Mercedes team executive director (technical) 
“Another exceptional and well-deserved result for the team today after what has been a flawless weekend from everyone involved. From the very first laps in practice the car looked competitive and we didn’t miss a beat throughout. From the pit wall, the race was fascinating to watch. While there were undoubtedly some tense moments, we knew that both drivers would be sensible enough to bring the cars home: although it was worth throwing in a little reminder just to be sure! All credit to the teams at Brackley, Brixworth and Stuttgart for what they have achieved already this season. A particular note must go to the team at Mercedes AMG High Performance Powertrains, with their power units taking all three podium places and six of the top ten positions. It’s fantastic to show the world that not only can amazing technology be produced within this exciting new ‘Efficiency Formula’ but that racing is alive and well within our sport. We now have a two-day test here in Bahrain where we will be looking to build on our current performance and maintain this momentum into the next races. For now, though, we can enjoy what has been a highly successful few weeks for the team.”

Lotus
Romain Grosjean, 12th

“It’s good that we didn’t have any problems during the weekend and we were able to finish the race with both cars. It’s not easy racing – what with the fuel management and energy recovery system – so there’s certainly more mental work going on in the cockpit. At certain points of the race we were quite quick, but then at other points we were really struggling with the rear grip. Fortunately, we now have two days of testing at Bahrain so we’ll be able to try a lot of different set-ups to try to get the car more as we want it.”

GRO – “I don’t even think this is a French film anymore. It’s like a Bergman film, mixed with a Von Trier film, mixed with ‘Requiem for a Dream’, mixed with that time, when I was 14 and I danced, unironically to Snow’s ‘Informer’. Fucking kill me, someone, please.”

Pastor Maldonado, 14th
“As we expected the pace was much better in the race than it was in qualifying. We were using quite an interesting strategy and were running on two stops which was working well until the incident. We will need to have a look again at what happened as Esteban seemed to be off his line coming into Turn 1 – maybe he missed his braking point, I don’t know – and by then I was in the corner with nowhere to go. For sure it’s difficult to understand and I was coming out from the pits and with cold tyres. I think he was very unlucky and it’s good he jumped straight out of the car. As a team it’s a plus that we finished with two cars which is very important and now we need to learn from this race and push hard for Shanghai.”

MAL – “Yeah, looking at the tape, it’s obviously Esteban’s fault. I mean, look at that: there he is, on a racing track! Racing! Just fucking asking to be hit! Frankly, I think I should be commended to showing people the depths to which a person can sink and the heights of assholery that can be reached if you just dream big enough!”

2014 Bahrain Grand Prix GIF Grid

Nico Rosberg

Reaction GIF: smile, yes, Gina Carano

 

Lewis Hamilton

Reaction GIF: smile, tired, baby
Valterri Bottas
Reaction GIF: wow
Sergio Perez
Reaction GIF: smile, sneaky, flirting, approval, William Shatner, James T. Kirk, Star Trek

 

Kimi Raikkonen
Reaction GIF: smile, Tom Haverford, Aziz Ansari, Parks and Recreation

 

Jensen Button
Reaction GIF: smile, dance, Barack Obama

 

Felipe Massa
Reaction GIF: wink, Jessica Walter, Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development
Kevin Magnussen
Reaction GIF: clapping, David Tennant

 

Fernando Alonso
Reaction GIF: throw up, clapping
Sebastian Vettel
Reaction GIF: clapping, not impressed, not funny, stare
Nico Hulkenberg
Reaction GIF: oh snap, Simon Cowell
Daniil Kvyat
Reaction GIF: thumbs up
Daniel Ricciardo
Reaction GIF: nevermind, Martin Freeman, Sherlock
Jean-Eric Vergne
Reaction GIF: laugh, Stephen Colbert
Esteban Gutierrez
Reaction GIF: crying, Nestor Carbonell, Richard Alpert, Lost

 

Romain GrosjeanReaction GIF: disgust, Britney Spears

Pastor Maldonado
Reaction GIF: what?, stare, Bubbles, Trailer Park Boys
Kamui Kobayashi
Reaction GIF: don't care, eye roll, Homer Simpson, Ned Flanders, The Simpsons

 

Jules Bianchi
Reaction GIF: don't care, don't know, Jimmy Fallon

 

Marcus Ericsson
Reaction GIF: don't know, don't care, Nicki Minaj

 

Max Chilton
Reaction GIF: fuck yeah, John Turturro, The Big Lebowski

 

Adrian Sutil
Reaction GIF: not funny