Tag Archives: Formula One

Ecclestone, Translated

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“The cries of the oppressed? Yeah, no, I can’t hear shit with ALL THIS MONEY CLOGGING MY EARS.”

LONDON: Formula One has no concerns about this month’s Bahrain Grand Prix becoming a target for anti-government protesters, commercial supremoBernie Ecclestone said on Friday.

The race at the Sakhir desert circuit was cancelled in 2011 when a Shi’ite-led pro-democracy uprising was crushed and at least 35 people – activists put the tally far higher – were killed.

Last year’s grand prix, the biggest sporting event in the US-allied Gulf island kingdom and watched by hundreds of millions around the world, went ahead controversially amid tight security and against a backdrop of burning tyres and riot police firing teargas at petrol-bomb throwing protesters in Shi’ite villages.

Bahrain’s opposition and government resumed reconciliation talks in February for the first time since July 2011 and, even if little progress has been reported, Ecclestone felt the situation had improved.

“I haven’t had any negative reports from anybody there,” the 82-year-old British billionaire said as he prepared for a double header with the Chinese Grand Prix on April 14 and Bahrain on the 21st.

“Somebody who actually lives there came to see me yesterday and said everything’s very normal.

“I think they (both sides) are talking now anyway… so I don’t think they’ll upset the talks by making protests,” added Ecclestone. “It didn’t help them last year, so if they had any brains they’d just get on with their talks.”

Demonstrators have continued small protests on an almost daily basis to demand equality and a constitutional monarchy in the tiny kingdom ruled by the Sunni al-Khalifa family and home to the US Fifth Fleet.

At least 10 civilians and several policemen were injured last month during protests to mark the second anniversary of the arrival of forces from neighbouring Saudi Arabia which helped crush the uprising.

Police said the demonstrators had barricaded roads and torched vehicles. Pictures published in the foreign media have shown slogans daubed on walls calling for a boycott of the race.

Asked whether there was a risk of the race being targeted more directly after the protests and international pressure failed to stop it going ahead last year, Ecclestone said: “No, I think quite the opposite.

“No concerns, none at all,” he added. Ecclestone said he would again be in Bahrain for the grand prix, fourth round of the 19 race season, and praised local organisers for their efforts.

He assured them that Bahrain, the first country to host a grand prix in the Middle East and on the calendar since 2004, had a long-term future in F1 despite Abu Dhabi’s glittering floodlit race now being a much more popular fixture with both teams and sponsors.

“Yes, yes, absolutely,” he said. “Everything that is there is as far as we are concerned good. They do a very, very good job of the race, the whole support from the top is good. No problems.”

Ecclestone – “Somebody I know in Syria said shits cool there, too. I don’t know what all this hub-bub is about burning tyres and shit. As I said: “That’s normal.” Don’t any y’all listen to me? I haven’t heard bupkus on the newsreels ahead of “The Croods”. (We went last week: yo, that shit is HI-LARIOUS!) People tell me to check the Twitter. I assume they mean the ticker-tape machine that tallies my daily stock orgasms. It, too, has indicated that there is little valid suffering in this place called “Bahrain”, where I have a track, upon which my minions race for my entertainment. Also, money.

Look, seriously, any of you fuckers mess with my shit and we’ll pull some extraordinary renditions on your ass. You think I don’t know about torture? How ’bout you and I hang out at a photo op with WEB and VET?! Witnessing awkwardness of that magnitude kicks waterboarding’s ass any day. You’d need, like, two magnums of rosewater, later, just to relax. IT’S THAT TENSE!”

But, seriously: all my Bahrain homies! Chill out, yo!”

Pirelli, Translated

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Grazie to Formula 1 Blog for the link.

These tyres are great! GREAT FOR US TO POOP ON! We are. We’re pooping on your tyres. Really, though, pooping on your tyres is the only thing we do together anymore.

Pirelli says they are not interested in reviewing their tire compounds until at least the Bahrain Grand Prix so we’d better get used to the idea of the high degradation compounds being the focal point of derision for teams like Red Bull and possibly others.

Red Bull has been the most vocal about the manner in which the tires are impacting their performance so far this  year but Pirelli motor sport boss, Paul Hembery, says that they see no reason to accomodate just one team:

“If the whole paddock is saying something then that is a bit different,” he said.

“You have to do something and make a change and do something different, but if it is isolated and you work out why their concerns are coming forth, because it is not what they say on the surface it is something deeper than that, and you try and work it out.

“We think we know what it was and what it is, but if you go away and do things for one team you will have the whole paddock in uproar.”

No doubt you can’t favor one team but I doubt Recd Bull are the only team concerned about the tire performance so far. McLaren’s Sergio Perez was also critical of the tires as well. The issue could be in a majority versus minority opinion to prompt Pirelli to re-examine their rubber. The fact is, the Malaysian Gr4and PRix may have been more impacted by driver battles than tires according to Hembery:

“I think we have to be happy,” he said. “The two leading teams clearly had issues between the drivers, that maybe took away from what would have been an interesting finale.

“As for wheel to wheel stuff… it is something we will have to review after four races. It is still very early days.”

That seems a bit of a convenient scape goat if you consider the teams were driving and holding station due to tire degradation and rubber preservation… a catch 22 no doubt. Not to be confused with a Multi 21 though.

Pirelli Translated – “We are thoroughly relishing being the non-existent scapegoat for RBR’s soap opera. The more they bitch about the tyres, the more obvious it becomes that it’s not about the tyres. Gentlemen, you know that drunk neighbor you have? The one that beats his dog because his wife his cheating on him? Hello! You guys are winning. Leave the dog alone. Here’s a tip, RBR: If you guys don’t like the tyres but you continue to go Multi-21 in spite of the tyres and your inter-team emotional dysfunction, NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO BITCH ABOUT THE TYRES! So, um, shut up about the tyres.

Until the tyres turn into big puddles of liquified rubber the moment they hit the track, I doubt anyone else is going to say anything just to drive you crazy.

Good luck at therapy today, guys!”

Please, To All That is Holy (Or, Possibly, Unholy. . . .Or Both)

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Gracias a Formula 1 Blog for the link.

What do you do when your car isn’t all that it could be and you happen to be McLaren International? You start an aggressive development program intent on bringing your car to a competitive state. That’s what the folks from Woking will be doing this weekend at the Malaysian Grand Prix. Sam Michael explained to the press in a phone-in.

“We have some modifications to the car,” Michael.

“We have two lines of new parts, one is normal development that would have come anyway, and then we have some experimental stuff to work through on tyre degradation, some of which are back-run test items to help us further understand [the car].

“We will definitely be doing some specific tests during the weekend at Malaysia, and we have managed to do some work in the last few days.

“Whether that will resolve the problems in terms of our competitiveness I really can’t tell you to be honest because I don’t know yet.”

It’s never easy in Formula One and McLaren know this better than most. They’ve unloaded a relatively difficult chassis in the MP4-28 in Australia a week ago and quickly determined they are far off the pace of their competitors at the top. Change is needed and needed quickly.

Another component of hopeful thinking is that Malaysia can be riddled with rain soaked racing sessions and McLaren driver Jenson Button is starting his rain dance telling AUTOSPORT:

“I’d rather it was mixed conditions, then we have more of a chance to score points” said Button.

“Inters were very good to us in the last race, with P3 in Q2.

“When you have a quick car, you want it to be dry every day; no wind, calm, but when you don’t have such a quick car you want everything thrown at the field so you have an opportunity.”

Perhaps a few tests, changes and some rain could find McLaren minimizing the damage they would otherwise face in the first fly-away races. Most teams will usually wait until the series returns to Europe for the Spanish Grand Prix to make major car changes but McLaren don’t have that luxury.

Team McLaren: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE, OH, LORD JESUS, PLEASE! MY FIRST BORN SON UNTO YOU I GIVE. THE SECOND BORN, IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ASK, MY LORD. WHATEVER YOU ASK, MY SWEET/UNHOLY/WHATEVER LORD. PLEASE, DO NOT LET US BE SHAT UPON BY THE UNHOLY ANUS OF YOUR MOST REPUGNANT CHILD: LEWIS HAMILTON. WE BEG OF YOU: DO NOT LET THIS SMUG MOTHERFUCKER BE PROVEN RIGHT. AMEN.

Blips

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Danke to Planet F1 for the link.

Asked whether there was some relief that he wasn’t racing for McLaren at this time, Hamilton said: “No, I don’t look at them and think I’m happier.

“I look at our performance and realise just how good of a choice it was obviously.

When you hate me, it gives me power.

When you hate me, it gives me power.

“The team have made some fantastic steps forward… let’s hope that this car stays competitive through the year and we can continue to develop it.”

Hamilton insisted that McLaren will recover from their Australian slump which he billed as a “little blip” for the Woking outfit.

“They have always been very strong at catching up… I feel that this is only a small little blip in their journey this year. I’m sure they’ll catch up.”

HAM: I’m completely obsessed with their failure. If I didn’t look at them as a reference, I wouldn’t be able to realize that I’m happier or know that we’re performing better. They’ve always been very strong at catching up, except, um, last year, when they were sabotaging me and I was sabotaging them and none of us would acknowledge it. I’m sure they’ll catch up. No, I’m not taunting them. I’m being supportive. Supportive to my old team. Whom I don’t look at.

I operate on higher plane of existence where I’m throwing a ball for Roscoe and Nicole is blowing me while I accept holy communion from my priest/agent.

Bless.