Gracias to Forumla 1 Blog for the driver quotes.

Infiniti Red Bull Racing
Sebastian Vettel
“I think you’re always a little disappointed when you start first and don’t finish first, but overall it was a good weekend for us. We had a good day today with a pole and a podium – but in the race we were a little too aggressive with the tyres and lost the front and the rears, while others did a little better. There are always areas where you can improve, but the result we got today is fair. We didn’t see Kimi on the track, he was too quick and Fernando jumped us at a vulnerable time – but we can be happy with third.”

Mark Webber
“We had a few issues on the grid, getting the telemetry from the car to the pits, which wasn’t ideal in terms of the guys knowing where to set everything up for the start. We lost KERS also for the first part of the race. It looked like we were quite heavy on the first set of tyres and we weren’t that quick to challenge for the win as a team today. We had a slow pit stop (which was due to a front jack failure), which put me behind Jenson. We salvaged something in the end, but that was Melbourne today and it was disappointing not to get more out of it. It was hard to fight against others on a two-stop.”

Scuderia Ferrari
Fernando Alonso
“We can claim to have started this season on the right foot, immediately in the fight with the best. Along with the results from winter testing, it is a very encouraging sign that we managed to get the most out of a weekend that was full of unknown factors, both in qualifying and the race. I think the three stop strategy was the right one: with the degradation we had, it would have been impossible to manage on one less and bringing forward the second one by a few laps meant I was able to pass Vettel and Sutil. Finishing ahead of the Red Bull tastes like a win, even if we know that despite today’s race result, they are still the quickest. Now we can expect another weekend with very changeable weather and one that also puts a lot of stress on the cars from a mechanical point of view and on the drivers, from a physical one. But we can tackle it calmly on the back of this good result.”

ALO: We’re looking forward to coming in second!

Felipe Massa
“This is definitely a very positive start to the season, especially because this is a track where I have always suffered. We have shown that our car is competitive, with a good race pace and that is down to all the hard work done during winter testing. I had an attacking start to my race, in which I was immediately fighting for the top places. Maybe if we had brought forward the second stop, as Fernando did, the podium would have been within my grasp, but I am still very happy with my result. Definitely, we are at a good level, but now we must carefully analyse every smallest detail to try and improve our car.”

MAS: OMG! We totally finished and I totally don’t suck!

Vodafone McLaren Mercedes
Jenson Button
“Having won the Australian Grand Prix three times so far in my career – in 2009, 2010 and 2012 – you’d have to say that today’s ninth place isn’t really much to write home about. Having said that, I think we should be pretty satisfied with what we achieved here in Melbourne today. It was a tricky race, and our car isn’t yet quick enough, so I think the team did a great job to achieve even as much as we did. As a result, I scored two World Championship points today, which makes 1001 in my career I’m reliably informed, and to be honest I don’t think I could have scored any more than that. But, although that’s a nice stat, it doesn’t ease the pain caused by the knowledge that our car still needs a lot of work done before it’s properly competitive. Looking forward to Malaysia next weekend, I think we’ve got a tough few days ahead of us, but hopefully we can now do some number-crunching in an effort to understand our car a bit better and extract a bit more performance out of it there.”

BUT: I have rocked in the past, when I wasn’t saddled with a piece of shit car and, hopefully, whatever these fuckers fucked up in the off-season, they can un-fuck so I can fucking look the other drivers in the eye after Malaysia. 2 fucking points!? Which of you bitches do I get to kill for this bullshit?!

Sergio Perez
“That was a very, very tough race. I got a good start, which is always a bonus, but, after that, even though the team did a great job with the strategy, we just didn’t have enough pace to make significant further progress. Having said that, I nearly managed to score a point, but in the end I couldn’t quite get up to 10th place at the end. To finish 11th is never really satisfying, but I think Jenson and I both drove pretty good races today. In fact I want to say ‘well done’ to Jenson, who maximised the performance of his car really well to finish ninth. Our engineers are aware that our car isn’t yet as quick as it needs to be, but I know I’m now part of the best team in Formula 1 so I’m certain they’ll improve it fast. Going back to this afternoon’s race, I don’t think the Albert Park circuit suited our car very well – it accentuated its problems in fact – so I’m hoping we’ll be able to put up a better showing in Sepang next weekend. Last but not least, today will always be a very special day for me, because it was the day I made my McLaren debut, which is something that every driver always dreams of. As I say, it would have been even better if I could have scored points, but that’ll come soon.”

PER: I left Sauber for this shit? Fucking Hamilton’s sloppy seconds?

Lotus F1 Team
Kimi Räikkönen
“I’m happy for the team and for myself also. We’ve had a quick car all weekend and there were no issues with it either, so we could just focus on trying different things and getting the setup how we wanted. I had a good feeling that we would be ok with the tyres after practice and the team got the strategy perfect. I made a few places at the start and then had a good battle with Lewis [Hamilton] but after that it was quite simple; probably one of my easiest wins. You can’t start the season much better than winning the first race and of course we hope we can be fighting at the front of the Championship, but there’s a long way to go still and we need to keep pushing hard all the way.”

RAI: I’m going to be a pain in your asses alllllll season, bitches! Get used to it!!!!!

Romain Grosjean
“Something felt wrong with my car, so I have to sit down with the team and analyse where the issue came from. It felt so good all weekend until the race itself, but in the end the race was long and quite difficult for me. We know that Albert Park can be a tricky circuit and the weather has certainly not helped today. It’s been a great weekend for the team with Kimi’s win so it’s clear there’s pace in the car. Let’s hope I can unlock that pace too next weekend in Sepang.”

GRO: I suck. Car’s fine. I will blame the car, though. Good job, Kimi!

Mercedes AMG Petronas Formula One Team
Lewis Hamilton
“I’m happy with our result today and it’s much better than we expected for the first race of the season. The car felt really good out there; I had a strong first stint and was able to make the supersofts last longer than most of the others. We’d planned for two stops but converted to a threestop strategy during the race. I don’t quite know where we lost the ground to the cars ahead so we’ll have a look at the race again now and figure it out. The important thing is that we have a car that we can really work with and the team have done a fantastic job to get us to this position. Thanks to everyone here and back at base for their support over my first race weekend with Mercedes. Now we’ll look forward to Malaysia next weekend and hopefully build on this positive start with an improved performance.”

HAM: If we had stuck to my two-stop plan, everything would’ve been fine. Bless.

Nico Rosberg
“An electric problem finished my race which was a shame as I was on a two-stop strategy and in a good position to score a decent result. There are lots of positives that we can take from the weekend however. The team have developed a solid car over the winter, I had a good qualifying pace and the car also ran well in the wet. It looks like we have started to close the gap to the front runners and we can build on that.”

ROS: You say Hamilton STILL isn’t following me on twitter?! Can I just change my ID Code to BUT, but with an extra ‘T’?

Sauber F1 Team
Nico Hülkenberg
“I’m bitterly disappointed about what happened today, but at the same time I’m not blaming anyone. Things like this happen in racing. What is particularly bothering me is the fact that I lost all this mileage today, which is so important particularly at the beginning of the season. It would have given me a lot of valuable data and information for the next races. Obviously, Melbourne is not a good place for me. It was my third Grand Prix here and the third time that I leave this place empty handed. The only good thing is that the next race takes place next weekend.”

HUL: Get me the fuck outta Oz!

Esteban Gutiérrez
“My main goal was to finish the race, and to achieve that is really enjoyable. I want to thank the whole team, because yesterday in qualifying we had a good chance and today we were able to recover some of what we lost yesterday. We have a good base and in the future we will try and push forward.”

GUT: !?

Sahara Force India Formula 1 Team
Adrian Sutil
“What a fantastic race and a great feeling. I started on the medium tyres, a different strategy to most of the cars ahead of me, and I think this was the right decision. The pace was quick and the car felt very good on the medium tyres so I was able to keep up with the guys in front of me, who I knew were going to pit early. It was not long until I was leading the race – my first time leading in Formula One. After my second pit stop I was back in the lead once again, so I knew that it was possible to come away with a great result. My final stint on the super-softs was much more difficult because the tyres started graining and I lost a few places. I was thinking I might need to pit again, but fortunately the tyres came back to me for the final few laps so I could save the seventh place. This result for the team is a perfect way to start the season and I want to say a big ‘thank you’ to the team once again.”

SUT: Is it possible to ride one’s own coattails? If so, go Team CoatTail! Until unfortunately-named team subsides to its statistically appropriate position, I will relish my role as a spoiler. Please don’t let this end. Please don’t let this end, Please don’t let this end!

Paul Di Resta
“Seventh and eighth for the team is a great result and a great way to kick off the season. We’ve shown we have a car that is kind on its tyres and that helped us today by making less stops than some of our rivals. I feel I had a car that could have finished seventh, but I was stuck behind some of the threestoppers at the start of my second stint, and that cost me quite a lot of track position. There are a lot of positives to take from the race, as well as some things that we can improve to make the car stronger, but we’re in a good position heading to Malaysia.”

RES: What Adrian said.

Williams F1 Team

Pastor Maldonado
“It was a disappointing end to a difficult weekend for myself and the team. The car was not responding as we hoped in the conditions today and unfortunately I lost the back end and ended up in the gravel. We need to work hard to solve the problems in the car to be ready for the next race in
Malaysia.”

MAL: I drove off the track but, really, it was like the car, driving *itself* off the road. . . as if I wasn’t driving. . .. my car is HAUNTED!

Valtteri Bottas
“I had a good start from my grid position and it felt great to be back racing again. A small mistake a few laps in cost me some places though. We got the maximum performance we could from the car today and although the pace isn’t there yet, there are still some positives to take away. The next race is only a week away, so we will work very hard to prepare as best we can and try to score our first points of the season.”

BOT: Glad to be here!

Scuderia Toro Rosso
Jean-Éric Vergne
“It was a hot start, I was pushed to the outside and I ended up going through a gravel trap at one point. After that, the first stint on the Option was only average, but the last two sections on the Prime tyre were very good and competitive and I was even in the points for a couple of corners right at the end, but as I passed Grosjean I flat-spotted my two front tyres and overshot my braking point when I tried to chase Button. Overall, I think the weekend showed we have a good car with which we ought to be able to go hunting for points in every race. So I’m disappointed at not scoring here, but my hopes for the coming races are now higher than when we first started this weekend. I think that fundamentally, we have a good car.”

VER: Glad to be here!

Daniel Ricciardo
“In the end I had to retire with a problem linked to the exhaust. I reported back to the pit wall that I could hear strange noises and I tried to fix it by changing a few functions, but it was not to be. At the start of the race, I struggled to find grip and it felt like I was driving on ice, as it took a very long time to warm up the tyres. But afterwards, after about ten laps, I got up to speed and my lap times were not too bad, but by then I had lost too much time in the early stages. I think we have more homework to do when it comes to the tyres. Not the ending I wanted for the first Grand Prix of the season, especially here in my home race.”

RIC: Looking forward to another year of clag-eating!

Caterham F1 Team
Charles Pic
“That wasn’t too bad a race for us. Of course we’d prefer to finish higher but I think that at this stage of the season this reflects our current performance levels. We started on the supersofts and our pace was ok for the first stint but the tyres dropped off very quickly. In contrast, when we went onto the mediums the degradation levels were very good so we were able to push the second stint much longer than we’d planned and that gave us a chance to fight. Unfortunately towards the end of the race we had a KERS failure which obviously cut our outright pace and prevented us from taking full advantage of the good tyre wear we saw on the primes. We know that it’s going to be similar to this for the first few races, but with what we have coming it’s going to be a really interesting season. We have quite a few small details we need to work on for the next race but it’s good to have a real fight on our hands, good for the team and the fans so let’s see how this progresses.”

PIC: Have I also mentioned that I love to eat other people’s clag?

Giedo van der Garde
“For me that was a reasonable start to my F1 career. It was really important to finish my first race and that’s exactly what I did so I’m pretty happy with how it ended up. I started the race on the supersofts, passed a few people in the first turn and was keeping up with Bianchi until the first pitstop, even with the deg levels on the option tyres. Unfortunately I had a slow puncture on the first set of mediums and that cost me time and position. We had to stop much earlier than planned to put
a new set of mediums on and that meant a change to the strategy, but it’s all good experience for me. I’ve said all through pre-season that the first races are a chance for me to learn and today was really good for that. I feel good physically and now we have a lot more information about tyre wear and how to manage that so we’ll take that to next week’s race Malaysia and see what we can do at our first home race of the season.”

GAR: Holy shit! So glad to be here!

Marussia F1 Team
Jules Bianchi
“I am very happy with my race today and really can’t imagine a better start to my first season of F1. Yesterday’s qualifying was quite a challenge but today I felt very calm as I looked forward to this moment. Generally everything went very smoothly in the race and we worked our way through the tyre management issues as well as we could in order to maximise the possibilities. We have not had the luxury of time so I would like to thanks my engineers, car crew and the whole team for helping me to be as prepared as possible and for a great job today. It would seem that the Team have made a big step over the winter and it is very nice to see them reacting positively to this.”

BIA: Glad to be here!

Max Chilton
“I am happy with my Formula 1 debut and although it was less than straightforward, it’s good to get it under my belt and to know where we stand relative to the competition. The coming-together with Van der Garde early in the race damaged my front wing, which meant I had to stop for a wing change. This put me back out on track such that I hit the blue flag period and it was a bit of a battle to recover the ground I lost. I had a really good fight with Van der Garde and closed the gap enough to be able to
pass him. From there I was able to demonstrate more of my true pace and I was posting laps around three seconds faster than him. Although the race had its frustrations, I feel like I’ve learned a lot that I perhaps wouldn’t have learned otherwise and that will be useful experience over the next few races. I’m looking forward to Malaysia now so I can roll all that back into my racing and be able to take the fight to the midfield pack.”

CHI: Next race, wherever it is, I will totally not hit another car and totally keep it on the track for the whole, entire race. Holy fucking shit, I raced in this shit and I totally DID NOT FUCKING DIE! SO GLAD TO BE HERE!